Second Chances
by amandagm
Summary: Righting the wrongs that were DEA. Everything isn't roses between Sookie and Sam. And while Sookie may have escaped vamp politics with the help of Eric's sacrifice, what happens when she's forced into Were politics? For Sookie, it is a matter of life and death. Can Eric save her this time? Canon.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know I probably shouldn't be starting a new story while I have a WIP, but I just can't help it. Thanks to tabularasa88 for betaing. **

Ch. 1

I was in the newest vampire-safe Four Seasons Hotel, in Chicago. I was here as part of the North American Were Contingency, which happened to coincide with the Vampire Summit for the Amun area. The two meetings were taking place together by design, so that the vamps and Weres could discuss governmental policies, business and trade matters. However, relations hadn't changed much between the two species in these many years, which went a long way to explaining my current situation.

In the 30 years since Weres had made their presence known, the American government had cracked down on them, with registration requirements, DNA testing, and other ridiculous and onerous burdens that just plain pissed them off. For some reason, the American government had a lot harder time accepting the existence of Weres than it did vampires. I blame the _Twilight_ books for feeding America's fascination with the romanticized ideal of benevolent, loving, "vegetarian" vampires. You know, the same crap all romance novels try to peddle: true love that lasts for eternity. Hell, I used to buy into it too, reading romance novels all the time, but I'm smarter now. I now know that none of that is true. It's just the fantasies of teenage girls and those women who read mommy porn. Not me, not anymore. No sir, I've cottoned on since then. I now know that it is all bullshit, but hey, no one asked me.

While vampires may not have liked the _Twilight_ ideal, it worked to their benefit, paving the way for acceptance of their existence, and they milked it for what it was worth. Oddly enough, this same _Twilight_ fascination never translated to Weres (were Americans not Taylor Lautner fans?). Because for the past 30 years, the Weres had waged a long-fought PR campaign, trying to assert their rights as god-fearing, _living_, American citizens. They didn't need to feed on humans to live and except for the three nights of the full moon, they were human. They lived, died, paid taxes, were in the armed forces, in our churches, that is, they were just like all Americans, except for those three nights a month … but despite their best efforts, it was a campaign they were losing. That was the only reason they were seeking to align politically with vampires. Hitch their cart to that horse if you will.

However, beyond the PR stunts and talking points, I knew the truth – both species could be bloodthirsty and ruthless, power hungry and self-interested. But then, that was the same for all Supes. Hell, even for a lot of humans too.

But, why am I here? I am the North American Were Contingency's acting shaman, which is really just another euphemism for teIepath; but, the Weres still insist that I drink that nasty psychedelic drink that makes the colors of Weres' brains more vibrant to my "gift." I blame Alcide and Sam for getting me into this. I would have been just as happy to put all of the Supe shit aside and live my life in peace, but I should have known that would never have been possible. They certainly knew it. Not with what I am – who I am. No, that option had never really been open to me. But what is the point in second guessing it now? There is no going back, not from this.

Laying on the penthouse's hallway floor, I looked up at the cut crystal light fixtures and the ornately hand-painted ceiling – stereotypical cherubs among the clouds – as my thoughts shifted. I couldn't help but think that this wasn't the worse place to die. Then I chuckled at the thought – only I could be so morbid. When I laughed, I caused myself to choke a bit on my blood and I coughed, splattering my blood across my face. Blood. It always seemed to come back to blood. My blood. Then again, I started to wonder to myself, _Did I really expect anything different?_ Supe politics – whether be it vampire or Were – often resulted in life-threatening injuries to me, and it seemed that now was no different.

The hotel had just recently opened, and I felt a little bad that I was ruining the beautiful burnt sienna hand-woven Moroccan carpet with my blood, which was leaving my body at an alarming rate with every involuntary beat of my heart. Eric was holding my body in his arms and, despite his large hands trying to staunch the gaping wound in my neck, my life continued to seep through his fingers, one beat at a time. Shifting my eyes to his own, I could see they were rimmed red with his tears that threatened to fall. "Tell me what to do Sookie," he pleaded.

I knew what he wanted to know.

I've lost too much blood.

There is no saving my life.

Not this time.

Not anymore.

No, he was asking for permission… permission to make me a vampire.

I licked my lips, which were covered with my blood, and the metallic taste coated my throat. Somehow I found the strength to speak. "Let me go," I croaked.

I knew Eric wouldn't turn me. Not if I didn't want him to. And it made my heart drop to see the sadness that marred his beautiful, unchanging face as he accepted my answer. He gave me a small nod and gripped me just a bit tighter to his body.

Even before now, I had heard the other vampires in the hallway – heard their fangs snapping down and their hissing as my blood first spilled out. Now that the violence was over, or at least, so it seemed, they started to press in. Eric's tears now flowed freely and as his eyes left mine to meet the throng, they instantaneously changed to murderous. He bore his fangs and growled at the surrounding vampires, "Get the fuck away from her, all of you!" Eric may be more than one thousand years old, but given the number of vamps in the hall, I didn't know if he could stop them all… stop them from trying to finish me off. I mean, they probably thought, _Why let all of that blood go to waste_, right? Vampires were pragmatic if anything. But luckily, or not, Eric wasn't alone. The Weres in the hallway were also growling, and their eyes glowed yellow, but if they changed form, I was afraid I'd be just as fucked as I was now. Changed Weres were equally as bloodthirsty as vamps. No, I wasn't safe, not even in Eric's arms.

It all made me think back to how I ever got to where I am in the first place.

_29 Years Earlier_

The bed banged against the wall of my old farmhouse bedroom as Sam thrust his hips one, two, three more times, before he shook with his orgasm. He collapsed on top of me, spent, literally, and I held his head to my chest. After Eric left (or A.E. as I referred to it in my mind), Sam and I did what I think everyone expected we would do. First, we started fucking, whether out of loneliness or obligation I'm not sure (after all, I did save Sam's life), but at the time, it seemed natural, expected even. Then, we'd gotten married, and since then, we'd been trying to conceive. My whole life I had wanted to marry and have kids. That would have never happened with a vampire, not unless I adopted. While I could hear Sam's thoughts, especially when we were fucking, he had been my friend and his thoughts were kind … at least most of the time. Sure, he didn't think I was as great in bed as Callisto the maenad or Janna Lynn the Were (who accidentally killed him by the way), but then, he was no Eric Northman either, so I guess we were even. After all, relationships are about making some compromises. My compromise had been great sex, but then, hey, I had to look on the bright side. I was alive, and with someone I could tolerate, someone who could give me the one thing I always wanted in life … a child of my own. However, that hadn't happened yet. I had a miscarriage two months ago and I had just gotten the doctor's all clear to start trying again.

I felt Sam go soft inside of me and he was slipping out, along with his seed, which was starting to leak out towards my ass, so I gave him a tap on the shoulder and said, "Alright, time to get off me tiger. I need to get my hips positioned and elevated." Sam went rigid. I didn't realize exactly what I had said to cause his shift in demeanor, at least, not at first. When I played my words over in my head, I realized my faux pas. Sam hated it when I called him "tiger" as it only reminded him of Quinn. So when he shot me a glare, I was sufficiently sorry enough to apologize, "Sorry, it just came out. I didn't think…."

"No you didn't," he said pointedly as he climbed off me and fished his pants off the floor, yanking them on one leg at a time.

"Sam, seriously, I didn't mean anything by it," I tried again, but I was again met with the same cold resistance.

"At least you didn't call out 'Eric,' this time," he said, putting all of the venom he could into that one accusation.

"What the fuck Sam! It was one time and I was half asleep when you decided you wanted to _fuck_ me. What gives!" I shouted at him as I propped pillows under my ass to keep his semen from leaking out any more.

Sam seemed to realize he had overstepped his bounds and his countenance softened somewhat. His right hand made its way into his messy mop of hair, "I'm sorry chere. I know; that wasn't fair. I'm sorry. You know I love you, right? I mean, I do. I care about you." Whether he was trying to convince himself or me, I wasn't sure. I couldn't help but feel like I was an obligation to him. After all, I used my one wish to save Sam instead of my husband … Eric. Sam, knowing what I gave up, always felt a little guilty even though he never said it. I know because I pulled it from his brain almost every day; however, as time went on, he was starting to at least _think_ about it less, even if it was plainly evident that he felt it.

"I know. I'm sorry too," I said. I hated fighting. I think I used up all my fight in the past three years. I just wanted status quo; calm normalcy. Looking to change the subject, I said "Hey, Karin's watch is up tonight and she, Pam and Bill are stopping by for a little send off." I watched Sam tense again. He still didn't like vampires. I suppose it was in his nature as a shifter. And he certainly didn't like Karin's presence. I knew he would be happy when she was gone.

"Thanks for the warning. I'll close up the bar then." He was stoic.

"Or you could stay, say goodbye?" I knew he would be happy she was gone and hoped, at least little, he could be civil as she left. He simply shook his head and gathered the rest of his clothes.

At first, Karin had been nothing more to me than a reminder of Eric and I hated her and everything she represented – the deal he made with Freyda and Felipe, a year of protection as a condition of my divorce and his marriage. However, after those first months, Bill and Pam had grown close to Karin (or I suppose maybe Pam had always been) and they talked about her to me in a tolerable way. Before I knew it, I even almost liked her, surprising myself. Go figure. Sam however was a different story. Ever since the cluviel dor, he had become even more anti-vamp, and anti-anything to do with Eric, his progeny included.

"I'm going in to the bar early to do inventory. You should stay there for at least 30 minutes. In fact, why don't you take the day and rest? Maybe this time, it will work," he said, speaking of my current condition, which was trying to get his swimmers to my eggs. The miscarriage hit us hard as I was 13 weeks along … just into my second trimester. I should have been out of danger, but when I started bleeding I knew. And when the ultrasound technician told me the placental sac was empty, I couldn't help but mourn my loss. I know that shifters, like Weres – hell, even Faeries, of which I was at least a part – had trouble conceiving and carrying babies to term, but I never thought it would happen to me. I mean, everyone in Bon Temps said… or at least thought… I had child-bearing hips and breasts that could certainly feed a lot of babies. But one year into my relationship with Sam and I had one pregnancy, and one miscarriage, to show for it.

"Okay," I said weakly because, truth be told, I didn't want to be around Sam right now. Not when he was acting like he was. So I let him go. To be fair, he did come in to give me a kiss good-bye a short while later before he left, but I pretended I was asleep, so he just kissed my forehead before tip-toeing out of the room. I don't even know why I did that. I guess I just wanted to be alone, because even when he was here, that is how I felt … alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: This is just another little chapter to get this story going. Unfortunately, I won't be able to post quite this frequently in the future, and for that I apologize. However, if someone could just take my crazy kids and do my regular job for me, then I'd be happy to spend all of my time writing my little fantasies in the Sookieverse! :)**

Ch. 2

_26 Years Earlier_

"Sam! Get in here and let's do this!" I shouted, barely shutting the front door before chucking my jacket and purse down on the kitchen table. I walked back to my bedroom, pulling my Merlotte's t-shirt off over my head and kicking off my shoes, but Sam wasn't in there. "Sam!" I yelled again.

"I'm in here!" he shouted as a toilet flushed and Sam walked out of the bathroom. "What is it?"

"I'm ovulating, let's go. I'm in the window," I said as I took off my pants and panties, not even bothering with the bra. "Time's a ticking," I said, pointing to my non-existent wrist watch. "Come on."

"Now?" Sam looked less than enthusiastic about what I was asking of him.

"Yes, now, come on. This baby won't make itself." I plopped down on the bed and flashed Sam my lady bits. In the past four years, we'd been pregnant six times… and miscarried six times. The furthest we had gotten was 16 weeks. It was hard, but if it didn't work this time, we were going to try in vitro.

"Sook, I was just fixing to go to the bar to do payroll," he hemmed and hawed, rubbing his neck with his hand.

"Well, you can do it later. Seriously, I'm only asking for 10 minutes of your time here, or is payroll more important?" I said with a pointed glare.

"No, but, we just did it yesterday." Now he was whining. Seriously?

"And we need to do it again … now. Why are we talking and not fucking?"

"Fine," Sam huffed and he took off his pants, but he left his red flannel shirt on and buttoned. He stroked his cock a bit until he was semi-hard and then positioned himself between my legs. Almost as an afterthought, he asked, "Do we need to uh, get you ready?"

"Just do it Sam," I forced through a clenched jaw. Sure, some foreplay would have been nice, but I felt like this whole thing was just an imposition on Sam's time. I braced myself as Sam pushed in. I wasn't wet, so it hurt a little and I grunted. Sam, however, didn't say anything and just pushed his way through until he was all the way in, and then he started moving. After about fifteen minutes, this didn't seem like it was going anywhere, and given our close contact, I could hear Sam's thoughts as clearly as if he said them out loud – _"Jesus, why can't I fucking come. Think Sam, think about Sookie's tits… tits, tits, tits…. Hey that new waitress we hired has a nice rack. I wonder if they are real. Never mind … come on dammit, come_."

When I couldn't bear his thoughts anymore, I asked, "Should we change positions or something?"

Sam looked down at me a bit defensively when he said, "It's fine, it's just like I told you. We just did this yesterday. Guys aren't like women, you know. We need time to recover!"

"How about doggie?" I asked.

"Is that some kind of joke!" Sam yelled as he started to pull out of me.

I quickly grabbed his ass, keeping him in place, "No! It's just, I know you like it like that and I thought it might help, you know…." He didn't say anything, just glared. "I just want you to come already, okay!"

"Don't you think I want that too," Sam yelled. "You know what, fuck it!" Sam reached down to pluck my hands from his ass and he roughly pulled out of me. I instantly l felt cold and empty. "I can't do this, not now. I'm out of here." He picked his pants up off the floor and started to pull them on.

I sat up straight, the tears starting to stream down my face. The thought of getting my period, again, and knowing the disappointment that this would be another month wasted, weighed heavily down on me. "Sam, wait! I'm sorry, really. Please come back to bed. We can start over. Let's take it slow. No pressure. We can just kiss some, okay," I pleaded, reaching my hand out to him, though I'm sure the tear tracks staining my face weren't exactly a turn on.

Sam looked at me and my outstretched hand, but he didn't take it. His eyes were sad, but instead of getting back into bed, he just shook his head back and forth. "I can't … I gotta go," he said softly, and he left. Just like that. He left, and he left me sitting there, half naked and half fucked in our bed. After allowing myself to cry for a while, I dried my tears, pulled myself together, and went to see Tara.

…

Tara was sitting on her front porch holding Max, her youngest, who was 5 months old. The twins were playing in the yard and she was watching them from her perch. The twins stayed away from my car until I got up towards the house. As soon as I turned off the car they came running over to me, yelling "Aunt Sookie, Aunt Sookie," and grabbing onto my legs like little monkeys.

"Hey kiddos, how are you?" I asked, giving each a hug and a kiss on the tops of their heads.

"We're good. We're playing cops and robbers," they said in unison, and then they ran off to resume their game while I walked up the front porch to see their mama.

"My god, Tara, they're getting so big. And so are you Max," I said bending down to greet the newest DuRone, stroking his soft baby hair with my fingers and inhaling his sweet baby smell.

Tara took one look at me, my face still puffy from crying, and she said, "What's happened with Sam now?"

I chuckled, if only to hold back the tears that threatened to spill again. "Is it that obvious?" She didn't answer me. She didn't need to. Tara knew me better than anyone and instead just gave me that look of hers that let me know I should know better than to ask stupid questions. I sighed, "Baby stuff."

"Oh Sookie, I know it's hard, but it will happen. It will. Just relax and don't be so stressed. You know stress affects fertility."

I laughed a hysterical laugh, "Don't you think I know that? Telling me to relax and me actually doing it is two different things though."

Our conversation was the same one I had with just about everyone in town. It seems that there were plenty of folks who had lots of advice on getting pregnant and they just felt the need to share it with me - Mrs. Fortenberry told me to eat pickles every day because that is what she did when she got pregnant with Hoyt; and Halleigh Bellefleur told me to eat all organic foods and to try acupuncture. Hell, even Jason, who had started his own little brood with Michelle, had given me advice, telling me to just _relax_. Seriously, if one more fucking person told me to relax, I was going to snap. The worse part of it was that each time Sam and I weren't successful, I just felt like more of a failure, and that more time had been wasted. And those times when we were successful, I couldn't allow myself to enjoy being pregnant because I was too afraid that pregnancy would end like all of the others. And so far, that was true.

"Well, there is always adoption," Tara offered, almost as one would a consolation prize.

"Yeah, I know. Hey didn't Max have a checkup today?" I asked to change the subject. I honestly couldn't talk to Tara about this. Getting pregnant was easy for her. She didn't have to work at it – not like I had to – and she already had kids. As good of a friend as she was to me and as well-meaning as she intended to be, she could never understand my situation and I should have known better by now than to even talk to her about this.

So instead, we spent the evening talking about her, JB, and their kids. It was easy really. Moms always want to talk about their kids: doctor appointments, and school recitals, and little league, and homemade artwork, all of the stuff that she had that I longed to have. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, but I really started to wonder if god was punishing me for the bad things I'd done in my life. I had done bad things, killed people even, and maybe that meant that because I'd taken life, I couldn't give it… well, at least not without a cluviel dor, but then, that ship had long since sailed.

**A/N: I promise that is the last Sam sex scene ... for the foreseeable future. I take no pleasure in writing them, but I feel like it is necessary to show how Sookie's life has unfolded after Eric left, her relationship with Sam, etc. **

**A special shout out to tabularasa88 who has been turning these chapters around as fast as I've been throwing them at her. This chapter is far superior due to her eagle eyes and input. **

**If you like this story so far, or not, let me know. Your input really does help me shape the story and make it better than it would otherwise be. Sometimes I even work your ideas into my stories because you all have some pretty kick ass ideas. **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter was a little emotional to write, so I just wanted to give you fair warning. Much love to tabularasa88 for pre-reading my work! All errors are mine.**

Ch. 3

_20 Years Earlier_

Thank god for the full moon! It was the three nights out the month that Sam got out of my hair, and I got in a little girl time with Pam. Of course, Sam hated Pam and I was sure I would hear him complain about how the house smelled of vamp after she'd left, but I didn't care. Pam was my friend.

"True Blood Type A for you, and popcorn and sweet tea for me," I said handing Pam her drink. I plopped down on the couch, careful with my feet since we'd just given each other pedicures … yes, we were actually those kinds of girlfriends. I suppose a lot changes with the years. "Did you pick our movie?"

Pam didn't say anything and simply hit play. As soon as the opening credits started, I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously! You hate the sparkly vampires!"

Pam just gave me a fangy grin and said, "But I love Kristen Stewart. I just want to eat her up…" and after a short pause, she added "both ways." As if that clarification was even needed.

"Pam!" I yelled and I hit her with a throw pillow. "Are you really going to make me watch this? I mean, we've seen it like a hundred times already." Really anything with Kristen Stewart I'd seen more times than I cared … _Snow White and The Huntsman_, _The_ _Runaways_, hell even _Zathura_.

"It's the one where Bella becomes vampire… my favorite one!" Pam scoffed, indignant.

"Fine," I huffed with a smile. Pam could be so … _Pam_… sometimes. On something like this, it was just best to let her get her way.

"So," she started, rolling her bottle in her hand, "Are you still trying to have the shifter's puppies?"

"Nosy much," I chided as I stuffed a handful of buttery goodness into my mouth. There is nothing like real popcorn. Not that chemical shit that comes in a microwaveable bag. I mean corn kernels and oil and salt in a pan on the stove, topped with real melted butter. Delish!

"Well, it is a girls' night and according to Dear Abby we are supposed to share personal information with each other, particularly our romantic lives."

The truth was Sam and I had given up trying to have kids about two years ago… after Hope. Hope was the only baby I was able to deliver, but she was still born. After Hope, any thought I had of trying to have another baby died with her. I couldn't do that to myself anymore, or to Sam. Lord knows our relationship had suffered enough in those years with all of my pregnancies and miscarriages. I moved on.

Well, okay, I hadn't completely moved on. I still visited Hope … talked to her, told her what things she should be doing at her age had she lived, and I told her how much I loved and missed her. She was buried next to Gran and while Gran is good company, I just couldn't leave Hope out there alone and just forget about her. I mean, what kind of mother would I be?

Of course, Pam knew about Hope. She was a good friend and I really needed her when I lost Hope, when not even Sam could console me. I imagine it was because he was dealing with his own grief. Pam even came to see me in the hospital that first night, and she hates hospitals. She offered to heal my c-section incision; however, I refused. I wanted the scar. I wanted the reminder that I had been a mother, even if just for one brief moment in time. Of course, the physical scar was nothing compared to the emotional scars, but I'd wear them all the same.

"Psshh. I'm too old now." Okay, that wasn't completely true. Yes, I was 41 years old and that isn't too old to have kids in this day and age, but Sam was closing in on 50. He made it clear to me that he didn't want to be an old dad and after Hope, I no longer pressed him.

"Sookie, I think it is time we stopped lying to ourselves here."

I rolled my eyes, "Okay, so 41 isn't too old to start a family, but Sam is older than me and besides, I think that window has closed."

"That's not what I'm talking about," Pam said raising her perfectly arched right brow.

"What do you mean?" I was truly perplexed.

"You aren't too old. You aren't old at all. In fact, you don't look a day older than you did when Eric left those ten years ago."

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't talk about him," I said almost under my breath. Eric was not a topic I talked about, ever. Pam knew that.

"Look at you," she said, ignoring my admonition. "I know I have a hard time telling human ages, but when I see you next to Sam, the fact that you aren't aging is plainly evident."

"I don't know about that. I mean, yeah, he's got a lot more salt and pepper hair than I have, but my hair is really light blond. It's harder to see the gray on me."

"Sookie, honestly? Of all the times I've fixed your hair on girls' night, I can tell you that you do not have a single gray hair on that lovely head of yours. And the lines. You don't have any of the old people lines on your face. And you have no neck waddle. Plus, your ass and tits still look hot … high and tight, not sagging like those decaying humans," she said, continuing to tick off reasons why she thought I wasn't getting any older.

"Alright Pam," I said in both resignation and to get her to shut up … at least about my tits and ass. "I suppose you're right. So?"

And then she eyebrowed me again! "Sookie, have you given any thought to the possibility that you won't grow old and die … or at the very least, that you may live for hundreds of years?"

I snorted, "No." Yeah I had held up pretty good over the years, but that could be good genes. However, now that she mentioned it, I couldn't help that little voice in the back of my mind that questioned _fairy genes? Or cluviel dor enhanced fairy genes?_

"Why are you lying to yourself?" she pressed.

I was ready to humor her at first, but enough was enough, "Because it doesn't matter! It doesn't change anything! We don't know anything about me or my future. I may die tomorrow … in an accident, or get sick, or just plain drop dead – or heck, maybe someone will murder me. The good Lord knows enough people have tried. Or maybe I am getting older but I'm just not showing my age, and I still live a normal life span and die."

"And what if you live a life that spans hundreds of years, or … what if you live forever?"

The unspoken question lingered there between us – _Would I go back to Eric? _"Like I said, it doesn't change anything. I made a commitment to Sam and I am going to stay with him."

"And after he dies?"

I pursed me lips into a hard line. "Pam, I'm not talking about this and if you continue to press it, then I think you should leave."

Pam knew she had pushed me about as far as she could. "Fine," she resolved. Then her smile turned a little wicked and she said "Besides, the movie is at my favorite part, Bella is just about to rise."

…

Pam was leaving the house with just enough time to make it home before dawn when Sam came in.

"Great, the house is going to smell like vamp for a week," he mumbled.

"Sam Merlotte!" I chastised. Really, there was no need for bad manners.

"Well, if I don't mind that you're making Sookie's house smell like dog…" Pam snarked back with a shrug.

"It's my house too," Sam protested.

"Is it now?" Pam pushed up into Sam's space with her fangs down. It was kind of sad and lopsided to watch the two go toe to toe really. Sam had gotten older, he had salt and pepper hair and a slight pooch in the middle; whereas Pam looked as she always did … blond, beautiful, young and deadly, she towered over Sam in her 4 inch heels – I actually think he's shrinking with age.

"Pam," I interrupted. "Thank you for a lovely evening. I'll see you next month?"

Pam retracted her fangs and simply said "Til then Sookie. Goodbye," and she ran vamp fast all the way back to Shreveport.

"Sam, was that really necessary?"

"I don't know why you hang out with those fangers. Honestly Sook, you are free of their vamp shit so what are you doing hanging out with their kind?"

"Sam Merlotte. Pam is my friend … as is Bill. You will treat them with respect when they visit me."

Sam sighed a long sigh. "I know, but you know how it is … seeing them just … I don't like them."

"I'm not asking you to like them. I'm asking you to be nice."

"Fine," Sam said stepping further into the living room and setting himself on the couch. "Hey, come have a seat, there is something I want to talk to you about."

Uh oh. That didn't sound good. I warily took a seat on the couch and watched as Sam removed Pam's True Blood bottle with two fingers, like it had cooties, to make room on the coffee table so he could prop his feet up.

"You remember I was going out running with Alcide's pack tonight, right? Well, he wanted to know if you could come by this weekend and do your shaman thing for him. He has some new Weres wanting to join his pack and he needs to know if they're on the up and up … you know, trustworthy. You'll do it, right? I mean you've done it for him before, so I told him I thought you'd be fine with it."

I wasn't fine with it, but I also knew I'd do it too. It seemed about every couple of months or so, Alcide asked me to read some folks for him, mostly pack shit but sometimes business stuff too. At least the vamps paid for my services. Alcide just played the friend card. And I knew I'd do it because, well, I'm Sookie Stackhouse-Merlotte, doormat to the Supe community.

"Sam …" I whined. I may agree to do it, but it didn't mean I'd have to be happy about it.

"Come on Sookie. You do this kind of thing for him all the time." I just stared at him as if to say, _You're making my point for me._ However, Sam just continued to push me.

"Fine. I'll do it," I relented.

"Great," Sam said. "Hey, Alcide asked me if I'd do something as well. He wants to know if I'll be the Chair for the Louisiana section of the North American Were Contingency. He thinks that as a true shifter, I will have broader appeal than a Were." The Were community banded together right after the Were Registration Act of 2014 and this was their lobby.

"And you said?" I asked, although I already knew the answer. Sam was rubbing his neck with hand again … it was his tell. I hope he got a better poker face for when he had to deal with the sharks (Were and political) in DC.

"Well, I don't see how I can rightfully say no Sookie. They are my people."

"I thought I was your people," I pressed.

"Well, you're my wife and Sookie, I need this," Sam turned to me and his look was desperate. "I need more. I can't just sit around here while I could be doing more with my life, more in the world. It would be different if we had kids … but we don't. The bar can manage just fine when I have to make these trips to further the cause. I guess, I'm saying, I'm doing it. I need this. Don't deny me this Chere."

My eyes welled with tears. He could be so cruel sometimes and not even know it.

"Well Sam, I don't want your life to be without purpose. Go on then. Do it," I said, getting up and picking up the glasses and popcorn bowl off the coffee table.

"Aw Sookie, don't be like that. Look, Alcide said there'd even be a role in it for you."

My eyes, glassy with tears, shot to his. "What?"

"Well, you know, we're going to need to know who we can and can't trust on Capitol Hill. Who better than a telepath?"

"Did you seriously just do what I think you did?" He pimped me out. Again.

"For fuck's sake Sookie! You used to read people all the time for those fangers and their political bullshit! This is real! This is important! We're talking Were lives and freedoms here. Or don't you give a shit about that… about me?"

"Do not turn this around on me so that I'm the bad guy!" I shouted, wishing my hands weren't full at the moment so I could poke him in his chest.

"I'm not…" Sam took a deep breath. "I think it will be good, not just for me, but for you too. It can be our thing. Come on Chere, I need this … you … and this is important. Please."

Fucking manners get me every time. "Fine," I said, resigned to my fate once again.

**A/N: My big beef with Ms. Harris is that had she stayed true to her own canon and the mythology she set up, this is likely how Sam and Sookie's relationship would be playing out. Sam and Sookie got together very quickly after his girlfriend, whom he admittedly cared about, killed him, Sookie's marriage ended (and let's face it, for someone who denied being married, she took the divorce hard, so it had to have mattered to her), and she just brought Sam back from the dead. They got together at a time when both experienced great loss, they both experienced feelings of loneliness and in Sookie's case rejection (albeit unwarranted, IMO), and they probably felt like there was some obligation and social expectation for them to get together. Add to that Ms. Harris' mythology that supes have fertility problems and, well, I don't think Sookie would have easily popped out four kids with Sam like she had her doing in the coda. And I've had my own fertility issues. Even with a relationship built on love, the stress, pressure and toil this can take on a relationship is real. And when the relationship isn't built on love, but instead on obligation ... even if there is friendship and respect ... well, I think that just makes it harder on those involved.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: To the anonymous poster who was offended that Sookie would be offended with the fertility advice of her well-meaning friends ... it's true, it happens. No one is saying her friends are bad people for wanting to give her advice, or that she is rude in how she receives their comments, but that doesn't mean she doesn't resent it. Because trust me, no one is doing more to try to get pregnant than she is ... and while "relax" is a common, sound piece of advice, just telling someone to do it doesn't make it easy, especially when the one thing that would make her relaxed (getting pregnant) is the one thing she is unable to achieve. It's a vicious circle. **

**Much love to tabularasa88, who rocks my stories!**

Ch. 4

_5 Years Earlier_

"Thank you for your time today Senator, and thank you for all you're doing for the Were community," Sam concluded, rising up from his chair with his hand outstretched towards the Senator. Senator Barkley took Sam's hand and shook it firmly.

I probably didn't need to come to this meeting today. Senator Barkley was a Senator from our home state of Louisiana, and he was also a were, were-coyote if the images I had pulled from his brain earlier were correct. However, he was in the "closet" so to speak. After the Were-reveal, there had been a lot of negative backlash against Weres and many anti-Were laws were passed, so the few Were politicians that there were, were afraid to come out to the public. At worse, they were afraid their constituencies would vote them out of office. At best, it would only serve to undermine any favorable legislation they attempted to pass for the Were community … or as more often the case, undermine their arguments against the anti-Were laws that were being passed, notwithstanding their presence in office. For that reason, the truth of their identities were closely guarded secrets.

"Thank you Mr. Merlotte, for your good work for the cause. Mrs. Merlotte," the Senator reached out to shake my hand.

"Mrs. Stackhouse-Merlotte," I corrected with a smile. "And thank you Senator." Of course, I saw Sam narrow his eyes at me. He hated that I had hyphenated my name.

As soon as we were out the door, I heard it. "Did you really have to correct the man Sookie?! It's bad enough that you reluctantly took my name, but you had to go and correct him, potentially undermining our work!"

"Don't you lecture me Sam!" I kept my voice lowered, as we were now in the Capitol's common area and there were people all around going here and there, conducting their business. I didn't want to make a scene. "The man didn't use my correct name, so I let him know. That is not rude. What's rude is him not remembering it the first time I told him. Besides, it isn't the end of the world." And after a moment of consideration, I continued, "and what do you mean 'undermine our work?' He's a were, of course he's going to support the cause. I don't even know why you made me come today. You don't need me to read his mind to know he will support the Contingency."

"Goddamnit Sookie! Keep your voice down; no one else knows that around here. Are you seriously trying to sabotage the cause?!"

"Sam, my voice is low. You're the only one screaming and making a scene," I said as I kept walking briskly towards Alcide. The sooner we made it to Alcide, the sooner this conversation would be over. Sam liked to keep a unified front when it came to Alcide.

The years hadn't been too kind to Alcide. Being packmaster had made him a bit soft, at least around the middle. His once-taut abs now sagged below his beltline. Sure, he was still strong for a man in his 50s … strong enough to fend off four challenges since he'd been packmaster, but he'd succeeded on two of those occasions because I'd "heard" his competitors' plans to cheat. He hadn't made the same mistake his father made by being too proud to accept the win by default, or by showing his opponents any mercy. He had declared their challenges forfeit and retained his status, but not before making sure they wouldn't challenge him again. Both men were permanently disabled as a result of Alcide's brand of justice. I didn't like it, but then again, I didn't have a say in Supe justice.

I didn't know what Alcide's long-term plans were, as he wouldn't be able to keep his packmaster status forever. I think he was just hoping to hold out long enough until one of his Were-kids, from one of their many mothers, was old enough and strong enough to succeed him. To the victor go the spoils… or at least, the young female Weres of child-bearing age. I was glad Alcide and I were never serious. I don't know how his wife, a sweet Were named Alice, ever coped with Alcide's children, or their mothers.

Alcide was standing with a young woman, maybe in her mid-20s. She was a pretty slim brunette with her hair in a low bun. She was wearing a nice, conservative navy pantsuit, and was holding a binder in her arms. She could have been a Washington staffer for all I knew … the attire was pretty much the standard uniform around here. Their presence brought my argument with Sam to an abrupt end, although I was sure he'd have more to say about it later.

"Sookie," Alcide greeted with an appreciative smile. _He better be appreciative _I thought. I had some nasty scars from last month, which was the last time I acted as shaman for him. He had me questioning his Weres about some local crimes that the community was blaming on Weres. Turns out the claims were right. Two of his pack members were sexually assaulting young women in and around Shreveport. They weren't too happy that I was there to find them out – knowing my reputation as a telepath – and when I was in my drug induced shaman state, one of them lunged at me with a knife, which Alcide was thankfully able to deflect. The blade didn't reach my heart, which was its original target, just my arm – it pierced it clean through. I now had two nice four-inch scars on my left bicep – one going in and one going out. "Sam, I want you to meet, Mandy Monroe."

By her hazy thoughts and Sam's sniffing the air, I could tell she was a Were of some sort. I shook her hand and I caught the image of a chocolate lab. When Sam shook her hand, his face lit up.

"You're a shifter!" Sam exclaimed. Well, that explained his euphoria.

Mandy blushed, which just made her more fetching (pun intended) and she lowered her eyes demurely. "Yes I am. It's a great honor to meet you Mr. Merlotte. Why, I've heard so much about you," she gushed.

"Please call me Sam," he fumbled. I hadn't seen him this happy in a long time. I guess I didn't realize how much he missed being around another true shifter, at least not since his mom died about ten years ago. "And what could you have possibly heard about me?" Sam asked, still beaming.

"Well, how you were instrumental in getting Were-equality ordinances passed, first in Bon Temps and then statewide in Louisiana. The fact that after twenty-five years of being public, and Louisiana is only the third state in the nation with a state-wide Were-equality ordinance and the first in the south, well, that is pretty amazing."

"Why, thanks," Sam said, still shaking Mandy's hand. He seemed to realize this at that moment, and they both laughed as they let each other's hands go.

"Mandy here has been appointed to the National Were Contingency. She is acting as a coordinator for state matters," Alcide explained. "Y'all will be working together as she coordinates national efforts."

"Great!" Sam beamed.

"Great…." I said.

"Of course, I've heard a lot about you too Mrs. Merlotte," Mandy said shifting to me.

"Mrs. Stackhouse-Merlotte actually," I said with a smile, while Sam just frowned.

"We're very fortunate to have you on our side. I don't know what we'd do if the vamps still had you. Well, I don't really guess they ever needed you though, not with their public relations at least. They seem to do just fine on their own."

And I gave her a small, sad smile, and replied, "Yes, they seem to do just fine on their own without me…."

"I'm so looking forward to working with you both! Are you guys staying here over the course of the full moon?" she asked. The full moon was tomorrow night.

"Actually, we're here through next week. We have additional meetings lined up with the Congressional representatives from our neighboring states, and then we have to get back to Louisiana to our business. Also, our state legislature will start its session in a couple of weeks and we need to be there for that," Sam answered.

"Wonderful! I've arranged for the national parks department to allow some of us to run in the national parks over the full moon coming up. I do hope you'll join us."

"Of course! I'd love too!" Sam enthused.

"Sookie, we've arranged for some of the non-were partners to have a special night showing at the Smithsonian. I do hope you'll be able to attend that," she smiled with her perfect, white teeth.

I really just wanted to curl up with a good book and I guess Sam could see I was going to say no, because he jumped in and answered for me.

"Of course, Sookie would be happy to go, wouldn't you honey? You should make the most of your time here in our Nation's Capital."

"Oh, Sam, I don't know, I should probably plan out the talking points for the rest of the meetings we have this week," I hedged.

"Nonsense, the basic outlines are done and I've been doing this now long enough to know what to say. Besides, you just need to read folks while you're there. You don't actually have to say anything. Go, it'll be fun," Sam encouraged.

I hated how he belittled my role in what we were doing. If me reading people wasn't so important, then I'd just as soon go back to Bon Temps; however, I didn't want to fight in front of Alcide and Mandy, so I just said, "I suppose a couple hours would be fine…."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I know I should probably shouldn't post this so soon after my last post, but I'm just addicted to this story right now. However, don't expect the next chapter to come quite so quickly. **

**Much love to tabularasa88 for rocking these chapters out as fast as I've been sending them to her!**

Ch. 5

_5 Years Earlier, Night of the Full Moon_

I was running a little late when I got to the Smithsonian that evening. Quite frankly, I didn't want to go, but when we got back to the hotel, Sam made me feel sufficiently shitty enough that I relented. However, I was hoping (or maybe a little more than hoping) that I would turn up at the Museum and find out that the group had taken off so I could cut out. But when I got to the National Museum of American History, it looked like the group was starting late. Some people were standing around the lobby, while others were milling around the exhibits. I did a quick head check and I could tell there were 20 humans and 5 vampires.

_Vampires? I thought the Were Contingency arranged this Smithsonian visit?_

Instead of standing around and talking to the people who were eager to get the tour started, I walked over to look at some of the exhibits on display in the lobby. I just wanted to be by myself as I wasn't feeling particularly social this evening. The Museum was currently hosting an exhibit of culture from the 1960s. I thought it seemed appropriate we'd be on this tour, since the Weres tried hard to draw comparisons between their current struggles and the Civil Rights movement of that time period. I wandered around until a painting caught my eye. It was a painting that looked like a comic strip. A woman with hair so black that it was blue was crying and drowning … to me it looked like she was drowning in her own tears. The text box above her head said: "I don't care! I'd rather sink - than call Brad for help!" I stayed there for what seemed like a very long time staring at the painting. The woman was so sad and alone; I really felt a connection to her. I was so engrossed in the painting and my own melancholy thoughts that I guess that was why I didn't notice the void that had come up behind me.

"Ahh, Lichtenstein, one of my favorites," said the familiar deep voice.

I felt like my heart stopped. I knew I had at least stopped breathing. I slowly turned around and I was standing face to face with Eric Northman.

"Hi Sookie, you look … well," he said, his heated gaze didn't stray from my own.

He looked as he always did, as I knew he would, he was unchangeable after all. But having watched Sam, Alcide and everyone else I knew (apart from Pam and Bill) grow older in these past twenty-five years, I couldn't help feeling irrationally surprised. The next thing I felt was dizzy, and I realized it was probably because I had been holding my breath this entire time. I slowly exhaled at the same time I saw Eric inhale, although I knew he didn't need to … it was as if he were breathing in the air I breathed out, but that just confused my mind.

I shook my head to clear it and asked, "Eric, what are you doing here?" Then I had a moment of panic as my eyes darted around the room. _What was he doing here? Who else was here … and who else saw us together._ Those thoughts caused me to take a step back away from him, and in that moment, he seemed to read my mind.

"Freyda isn't here and so long as we aren't alone, you are safe. The decree only prohibits us from being alone together."

With that, I stopped moving backwards and stood firmly in place. Eric closed the gap in one stride.

"I didn't know you would be here or else I wouldn't have surprised you like this. It isn't fair to you," and then, looking at the ring finger on my left hand, he added, "or Sam."

I self-consciously clasped my hands together, my right hand spinning the plain gold band on my left. "Oh, right…" was all I managed to say.

"The Were Contingency is looking to curry favor with vampire kingdoms. I was in town on Oklahoma business and was invited to attend this after hours museum showing. I didn't have anything else to do for a few hours, and I did love the Beatles when they were alive," he shrugged. He was handling this so much better than me, it was frustrating.

"You do look well Sookie. You haven't aged a day …" he said and I could see the wheels turning in his head. It was true, I hadn't aged a day since he left Louisiana ... since I used the cluviel dor. It was a particular bone of contention with me and Sam, but I didn't want to talk about that, least of all with Eric.

"You either," I said. I really didn't know what to do or say. I mean, honestly, what do you say to your vampire ex-husband who left you to marry a vampire queen and, on penalty of death, had a bunch of conditions attached to your divorce decree, including not being alone together? Pardon me if I seem a little tense right now.

Thankfully, that was when the docent called out to the group to assemble.

We both hesitated there for a moment on the edge of the lobby. "Sookie, I am correct in that this is not a violation of the decree; but if it makes you more comfortable, then I am happy to leave," Eric conceded.

I considered his offer, and then said "No." Eric had every right to be here too. Plus, it didn't seem as if he was having any problems seeing me here, not like I was having at the moment. I just needed to put on my big girl panties and get over it already. I mean, as long as it wasn't going to (literally) kill me, then I could do this. "No, you should stay, see the Beatles exhibit. I'll be fine," I said, hoping to convince myself. Eric just smiled that smile of his as he held out his arm to usher me towards the docent and the rest of the tour group.

The docent greeted us and, as we walked from gallery to gallery, he would speak some, highlighting various pieces of interest, but he always allowed us some time in each room to explore the exhibits on our own. Much to my confusion, Eric was never more than five steps away from me.

About an hour into the tour, Eric took me completely by surprise when he asked, "Are you happy Sookie?" I was looking at the Supremes' sequined gowns that were on display and just beside the exhibit was a TV that showed a continuous loop of them singing "My World is Empty Without You" on the _Ed Sullivan Show_.

I should have lied. It would be so easy to lie. But Eric and I didn't lie to each other. We certainly didn't tell each other everything, but the things we did say were true. So, I did the only thing I could; I avoided his question with a question.

"Why do you care Eric?" Maybe my voice was a little more bitter than I intended; but I did find it odd that after all these years he would suddenly be interested in something like my happiness.

"Do you really have to ask?" he questioned, his blue eyes burned bright with emotion, but what that emotion was, I couldn't say.

"Are we going to keep answering questions with questions?" I volleyed.

"No," he said simply, ending our little exchange. "I just want to know that you're okay. I know you never got to have the children you had hoped for. I'm sorry. I wanted that for you."

"Really, was that before or after you told Sam not to court me?" I spat. "Besides, how do you know that? I could have ten kids for all you know."

Eric didn't say anything, he just gave me a pointed stare, which made me realize that of course he knew about me, about my life.

"Did Pam tell you? Are you spying on me Eric?" the accusation heavy in my voice.

"I cannot communicate with Pam, but yes, it is indirectly through her, among others, that I have kept tabs on you. She cares about you. I care about you," he said and I couldn't help but release an exasperated breath as I crossed my arms over my chest. "You may not believe me, but everything I did was for you, for your happiness, so that you could have the life you always dreamed of. You are right, I am... was jealous of the shifter. Jealous that he could keep you, give you the things I could not, but if he makes you happy, then I would never deny you that, although I could have."

"As if," I huffed and then I realized, "Wait, what do you mean? Are you saying you would have done something to Sam so that he and I couldn't be together?"

"I could have, but I did not, I would not ... not if he is who you wanted," he pressed.

"Well, he was who I wanted," I said, my voice faltering.

"Was?" Eric questioned. "Is he still?"

My eyes shot to his. "That is none of your goddamned business Eric. You don't get to talk to me about these things … my family, Sam, my happiness, not anymore," and I couldn't help the hot, angry tears that started to stream down my face.

Eric's face softened as he watched the tears making tracks down my cheeks. "I do not want you to cry, I did not mean to upset you," he said and he took a step towards me, and I took one back.

"I don't need your pity or your help. My life is what it is … and what it is is none of your business. Now if you don't mind, I think I've seen enough relics for an evening." I turned to walk away, but not before Eric's hand shot out to grab my arm.

I was wearing a capped sleeved baby blue sun dress and Eric's hand cupped around my bare arm and its most recent scars. His thumb traced over them and he said, "These are new. Knife wounds?"

I yanked my arm from his grasp and said, "Those aren't the only scars I've acquired in the time we've been apart. But my scars are none of your concern either." With that, I left the Museum and got into the first cab I could find. As soon as the cab pulled away from the Museum I could barely say "Marriott Hotel," before the tears began to flow even harder than before. They were unrelenting, so much so that I thought I'd drown in them.

**A/N: Here is a link to the Roy Lichtenstein painting, which is one of my favorites. Just take out the extra spaces: en. wikipedia wiki/File:Roy_Lichtenstein_Drowning_**

**Here is a link to a video and lyrics to the Supreme's "My World is Empty Without You" (again, take out the spaces): search. yahoo search;_ylt=AiUeRgNqwx_UdCbwOYmfoMqbvZx4?p=%22My+World+is+Empty+Without+You%22+by+the+Supremes&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&fr=yfp-t-901**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I've gotten a lot of reviews bemoaning the fact that in this story Sookie is a wuss, has no spine, is a doormat for Weres, feels sorry for herself all of the time ... and I couldn't agree with you all more. I am trying to stay true to canon and this is how CH wrote Sookie; however, do not fear. I plan on having Sookie come to her senses at some point in the future and *SPOILER ALERT* my stories always have an E/S HEA in mind. But if this really is canon, then I have to work with all of the crap CH left us with and try to reconcile it so we can all get to where we want to be ... with Eric and Sookie together, and do so in a realistic way. Thanks for sticking with this story and I hope this allays some concerns. Frankly, given some of the comments I was afraid I'd lose readers. If you don't find this story entertaining then I understand you wanting to drop it, but if you're going to give it up because it is sad, maybe you can bear to hang in there with me for a bit longer. **

Ch. 6

_Nine Months Earlier_

"Here you go Andy," I said as I brought Bon Temps' former sheriff his lunch.

"Thanks Sookie," he smiled, his face was well-lined and weathered by the years and the Louisiana sun. Andy and I may not have always gotten along in the past, but over time, things had mellowed out between us. I was happy to count him, and his wife Halleigh, among my friends.

"Halleigh and the kids doing fine?" I asked.

"Yeah, sure are! I got some new pictures of the grandbabies if you want to see them," Andy said, reaching for his phone.

Just then Sam shouted from his back office, "Sook! Come here! I got big news!"

"Be right there Sam!" I shouted back. Turning back to Andy, I replied, "Maybe when I get back?" He nodded as he shoved a ketchup laden fry in his mouth and tucked his phone back into his pocket.

I can honestly say that after almost 30 years, I was still a little jealous of Andy. Well, not just Andy, but right now he was a convenient target for my envy. He wasn't much older than me and here he was married to the same woman for more than 30 years, with three beautiful kids, and now grandbabies. Over the decades it had gotten a little easier for me to see everyone else's life move on around me, but it still made me a little sad too. Of course, not only did Andy and my other family and friends have the family life that I always wanted, they had also been able to grow old with their loved ones. Sam and I couldn't even have that. I still looked to be in my late 20s while Sam looked every bit of his 60 plus years. It didn't bother me none, but I knew it bothered Sam.

I set my tray down on the end of the bar and I walked down the hall to Sam's office while fixing my pony tail. Sam's office at the bar doubled as his office for Were Contingency matters too. We spent a lot of time doing both, so it just made sense to do it all in the same place. "What's up Sam?" I asked as I stepped into his office, which was best described as organized chaos at the moment. It was strewn with invoices, vendor forms, draft legislation, press releases and talking points.

Sam's eyes turned away from his computer screen and towards me as he beamed, "They agreed! The Were Contingency convinced the Vampire hierarchy to hold their next Summit at the same time as ours! We're going to Chicago!" I was glad he was already sitting down because otherwise he'd probably need to given how flushed he was over the news.

"That's just great Sam," I smiled genuinely. Notwithstanding Sam's and my personal issues, truth be told, I really was happy for him. For the past five years, the Were Contingency – and Sam in particular – had been working hard towards this goal. It was his baby if you will. The thinking was that holding these meetings at the same time would help humans connect the two groups in their minds. That way the Weres could enjoy some positive association with vamps and the good PR that they have enjoyed for these last few decades, and the vamps could get Were help on matters that were important to them. We knew for a fact that the vamps wanted to get involved in state and federal government, maybe even serving as members of Congress. So, if the two sides could work together on a few key issues, like overturning anti-Were legislation, maybe even work out some deals to align their lobbying efforts, then maybe they could each achieve some of their goals. And what better opportunity than at a large scale Supe meeting like this to hammer out those terms? Granted, they still had their issues with each other, but they would be willing to put that aside if they were both able to make some ground politically.

"We'll need to book a hotel room. Of course the vamps picked that fancy new Four Seasons that is going to open up. And we need to start crafting our agenda, prioritizing our goals, lining up what leverage we have with the vamps to press our points, and we need to get together with Mandy to coordinate with the other state contingencies …." Sam trailed off, making his mental to do list.

I went over to give Sam a kiss to congratulate him on his success, but when I got close to his lips, he gave me his cheek instead. I can't say I was totally surprised. Our relationship wasn't exactly romantic, and hadn't been for a very long time. I honestly couldn't recall the last time we'd had sex. I know it had been years, but I had long lost track of exactly how many.

Honestly, I often wondered why Sam and I had stayed together. Was it because we each had suffered so much loss when we first got together, pain that was both shared and our own? Was it because of the cluviel dor? Was it guilt over using the cluviel dor to save Sam's life at the cost of losing Eric? Was I just trying to prove to everyone, myself included, that I could be in a long-term relationship after so many failed ones? Was it love? I suppose that last thought should have been my first.

I considered that question a lot over the years, did Sam and I really love each other. I mean, I couldn't have used the cluviel dor to save him if I didn't love him, right? The magic is only triggered by a wish made from love. But love is a complex emotion. I love my brother, but I'm not in love with him. As often as I pondered this, I could come to only one conclusion. At one time, I had loved Sam as a dear friend, but I wasn't in love with him, and I never had been. And if I never really loved him, could he ever really love me back? I didn't think so. I think maybe he just loved the idea of me. However, I suppose all of these questions were for naught. My realization was too little, too late. I mean, what could I possibly do about now? What Sam and I had built over these many years together, I mean, that had to stand for something, right? I couldn't just leave him now, not after all of this time, after all I had given up and endured… the losses? Plus, deep down I thought it would be cruel to walk away from Sam at his age. I suppose the saddest part was that there was a time I would have described Sam as my best friend. Now we were nothing more than business partners, political allies, mere acquaintances. I would have given anything to have him as my friend again.

However, I pushed the thoughts aside and did what I always did. I kissed Sam's cheek, congratulated him once more, and went back out to the bar.

_One Month Earlier_

I stood at my kitchen sink, staring out my window, washing the same glass for the third time. Last week, Sam gave me the roster of everyone that would be attending the Summit and Conference next month – Supes and humans. Eric and Freyda were on the list. It would be the first time in five years since I'd seen Eric; not since the night at the Smithsonian.

The morning after the Smithsonian, Eric sent me flowers to my hotel room – purple irises, which I knew represented hope. I wasn't sure what Eric hoped for and I refused to allow myself to speculate. The flowers, however, also reminded me of my own Hope, who lay in my family cemetary. I had planted irises near her grave as I'd always considered them "her" flower, but I couldn't bear to see the ones gracing my hotel desk. Not from him anyways. Luckily, they came while Sam was in the shower and I managed to throw them away before he ever saw them. I never told Sam about my run-in with Eric at the Museum. What was the point? Sam could be so territorial, insecure even, especially where Eric was concerned. I knew he wouldn't take it well, so that I made sure to shower that night before Sam got home from his full moon run that night. He didn't need to know about it and I had no intention of telling him.

After I go the roster for the Summit and Conference, I tried to convince Sam that I didn't need to go. I mean, I can't read vamps at all and Weres are fuzzy. But Sam said I just had to go because, without a telepath, I would be putting the Contingency agenda at a severe disadvantage. It seems having a telepath be able to read even just some folks was good enough reason for him as to why I should go… to hell with my crazy jumbled emotions.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Sam's pick-up truck pull up the gravel drive, the rattle of the engine now so familiar to me. He'd been gone all week down in New Orleans with Mandy and some other Contingency folks. They were meeting with the New Orleans pack, which was a pretty big pack given the size of the Were population in New Orleans. It was all in preparation for the upcoming Conference. I thought it odd when I heard two doors close, but I guessed maybe Sam needed to get his bags out of the passenger side.

A few minutes later, I heard Sam come in the door. I was still standing at the sink with my side to him, so, without even turning around, I said "Hey Sam. Did you have good meetings in New Orleans?" and I continued to wash my already clean glass.

"Chere," Sam said softly and I turned around and saw Sam and Mandy standing just inside my kitchen doorway. It didn't even register to me that they were holding hands.

"Hey Mandy. I didn't know you'd be coming back with Sam …" I said, and then I was invaded by their thoughts. Images of Mandy, completely naked, riding Sam in a hotel room came into my mind and I squeezed my eyes shut as if it would stop the flow of images coming my way. Of course, it didn't.

"Chere, I'm sorry," Sam said, knowing full well that his thoughts were his confession ... all the confession I needed.

**A/N: Much love to tabularasa88 who despite her own kick ass stories, still manages to find the time to read mine and help me make them better.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Wow! I'm just blown away by all of the love, reviews, and ... gosh ... just hearing how much you all are enjoying this story. It gives me all kinds of warm fuzzies! :) Much, much, much love to tabularasa88 who greatly improved this chapter, so much so, that I think she may deserve co-author credits. She's that good. Otherwise, have a great weekend and enjoy!**

Ch. 7

I suddenly dropped my very clean glass to the floor and it shattered… just like my world as I'd known it.

"Chere, let me explain…" Sam started, but I didn't let him finish.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I spat as my eyes shot open. My hands balled into fists at my sides. I wanted to punch something … or someone … and Mandy's face was looking like a convenient target, as was Sam's dick … which would be the most I'd touched it in years.

"Sookie, we came here to you to tell you straight … Mandy and I … we're together," he said, his right hand running through his mane. _His tell_ I thought to myself. "Look, Mandy and I … we've been growing close over these past five years, but nothing … and I mean _nothing _… has happened between us until this week in New Orleans. I want you to know that this hasn't been some big secret affair that we've kept from you. It just happened. You can read my thoughts and you'll know it's the truth. I have been faithful to you Sookie … until this week."

"Sookie, we never wanted to hurt you, but I love Sam and I can make him happy. Please, let him go," Mandy pleaded, gripping Sam's hand with her right one until I could see the whites of her knuckles.

"You need to get the fuck out of my house," I said, my voice eerily calm. I guess Sam saw the danger in my eyes. He'd been with me long enough to know it was better – safer – if I was screaming and yelling mad.

"Mandy, why don't you wait for me out in the truck," Sam instructed.

Mandy looked at Sam for a moment, her thoughts spilling into my head. _Sam knows her best; he'll know what to say to her. I hope she doesn't make this harder on him than it needs to be. Sam is a good man. I need him, and the Contingency needs them both._ Mandy then nodded at Sam, unable or unwilling to look at me, and walked out the door towards the truck.

As soon as she was out of hearing range, I started. "Sam, she is half your age."

"So, what. You look half my age," he said, jutting his chin towards me in defiance.

"But I'm _not_ half your age; I'm only a few years younger than you." He just gave me a look that said … 'and your point.' "Dammit Sam, I can't help how I look!"

"I know you can't Chere," he softened, "and I know Mandy is young, but I love her," and there it was. The shoe dropped and everything that I thought was real, and steady, and loyal, fell out of the bottom of my world. "I can't help it. I can't help how I feel about her. She makes me happy. Don't you want me to be happy Sook?" he asked.

"Of course I do!" The words fell from my mouth quickly, but even I knew the truth of it. He wasn't happy with me, and he hadn't been in a long time.

"Then let me have this. I know I'm 64, and she's 30, but I have a chance, a real chance at love."

"A real chance at love? Then what were we Sam? What have we been to each other all of these years?" I asked, needing to hear it from him myself.

"We were good friends who helped each other through a really tough time. You'll always be special to me Chere … you'll always hold a special place in my heart. God Sookie, you're the mother of my children," he said as tears pooled in his eyes and mine.

"Oh Sam," I said, the floodgates completely opening up. I stood there racked with my sobs.

When my sobs slowed, Sam said, "I want this for you too Sookie. I want you to be happy. To love like this, when it isn't easy. Hell, loving someone even when reason and logic says you shouldn't."

"Pshhh," I said. I had no words for what he was saying.

"You were in love once. I know it because I saw it in your eyes, they had a light. I wanted that … I wanted you to look at me like that. I hoped that maybe one day you would, but you never did. And that's okay. I mean, it hurt, but the heart wants what the heart wants, right? Your heart just never wanted me."

I sighed in resignation. He didn't need to say his name for me to know who Sam was talking about. I did love Eric at one time, more than I thought possible. He just didn't love me back, or at least, he didn't love me enough to not divorce me and marry someone else.

"I care about you Sookie, I do. I am honored that you have stood by me all these years, but I need this. I need Mandy. She has that look Sook and it's for me. I can see it in her eyes and I can feel it in my heart. I don't want to be a consolation prize anymore, and with her, I know I'm not."

My bottom lip quivered at his words. Would I deny Sam what I had been denied? I hated that this was happening to me, but could I be so cruel? No … I couldn't deny Sam. Not this. I calmed myself a moment before I said, "I won't fight you Sam. I'll give you a divorce."

Sam's relief flooded me, but I knew there was something more.

"Thank you Sookie. You have given me the second best gift in the world."

"Second?" I asked confused.

"Second to Hope," and with that, I lost it. I was sobbing uncontrollably and Sam closed the distance between us and embraced me as we both cried … for yet another loss … this time, the death of our marriage.

After I regained my composure, Sam pulled back a bit as if he was going to say something, but he hesitated.

"What is it Sam?" I asked softly, still raw with emotion.

"About Chicago …" he paused seemingly lost for words. "If you don't …"

He couldn't finish his sentence, so I thought I'd do him a favor and dip into his mind so he wouldn't have to. _I'm a bastard. How can I ask her to go to Chicago and help us? I know she wants out … out of everything that has to do with me. No, no. I can't ask her. It's too much._

He was right. It was too much. Much more than I wanted to give at the moment. After all, I only ever got involved in Were politics, and the Contingency, because of Sam. Granted, I liked helping people and even though I wasn't a Were, I felt a connection to them and the issues that were important to them. After all, I was a Supe too, at least a little. And while I hated how Alcide and Sam guilted me into doing things for them, and for how working for them always seemed to put me in danger, it didn't feel right to abandon the cause now, not when they are so close to achieving this one goal.

I looked in Sam's eyes, lined with crow's feet. His eyes were so hopeful, so expectant. "I'll go to Chicago," I finally said, catching Sam off-guard.

"Chere…" Sam's voice was a mix of relief and surprise.

"I've invested too much in this to walk away now," I said, absently rubbing my arm and the scars there. "I'll help you with the Convention. I know Were rights are more important than this," I said, waving my hand between us. "But it's the last time Sam."

"I promise, this is the last thing I will ever ask of you… ever." I nodded my head, unable to say anything more. He pulled me into his body, my tearstained face slotted into this crook of his neck, and he whispered in my hair, "Thank you Sookie. You always were the better person. Way better than me. I'm sorry that I hurt you like this, truly. You gave me life … and for that I'll always be grateful." We pulled away and as Sam walked towards the door, he turned back one last time, his hand on the door knob, and said "I don't regret our time together. I know it hasn't always been roses, but we have done good together. There was Hope of course, but our work with the Were community will have lasting results. It is a legacy we can really be proud of."

I just nodded as he headed out the door. As soon as I heard his truck door close, I left my broken glass lying on the floor and I went to bed … our bed… and cried myself to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Love, love, love to everyone who is reading and reviewing this story, and especially for sticking with it even though it has been hard to see Sookie so depressed and used. Remember at the end of Book 13 though? She said then that even if she and Sam didn't stay together, she'd survive, and she will. More history has passed between them since then so it doesn't mean it won't be hard, but she will survive. **

Ch. 8

_One Month Earlier, The Next Day_

When I woke up the next day it was already early afternoon. My eyes were swollen half shut and despite my best efforts to try to fully open them, it just wasn't possible. I replayed the prior night over and over in my head … hell, to be honest I was replaying the past thirty years. I was mad at both me and Sam for letting us continue on like this. One of us should have had the balls to call it off sooner when it was clear there was no real love between us. We'd just become complacent, settling for what we had.

I was also mad at Sam for cheating on me. I mean, if for five years he and Mandy had been fighting this attraction, then why not just come clean before acting on it? What's another week? Hell, I wouldn't force him into a loveless marriage, although it was clear we were both willing to participate in one of our own accord. I thought he knew me better than that, respected me more. I guess there were a lot of things I thought about Sam that he proved me wrong on, including the way he went about telling me about his infidelity. That was cold, bringing Mandy here with him and letting his thoughts spill into my head, but it hurt all the more coming from Sam, given our history together. I thought we meant more to each other than that, but again, I was wrong about a lot of things when it came to Sam.

I lied there in bed like that for a couple of hours wallowing in self-pity for the sad state of my life before I decided that I was done. I was done crying over it, feeling sorry for myself, beating myself and him up over it (_although_, I thought, _I would still take great joy in beating up Mandy over it_), and just generally settling in life. My Gran raised me better than that, and I'd been ignoring that lesson for far too long. I've survived worse; I can survive this.

I noticed that all this time I had been absently spinning my wedding ring on my left finger. When I became conscious of it I stopped and decided my ring was the first thing that would go. I hopped up out of bed, but realized I did it too fast, and the room began to spin. My legs gave out and I plopped down on the bed again, willing the room to stand still and holding my head in my hands. I was suffering from one of the worse crying hangovers I'd ever had and was sure I was dehydrated from all the tears I'd shed. So, I sat there for a few moments and then, more slowly, I stood up and went to my jewelry box. I opened the bottom drawer and looked at the sole contents: a spent bullet – the one I had sucked out of Eric's chest in Dallas – and a spent cluviel dor. I ran my fingertips over the bullet and cluviel dor momentarily – _another lifetime ago _I thought – before I added the spent wedding ring to my collection.

When I went to the bathroom, I regretted looking in the mirror almost as soon as I'd done it. I looked like shit and that was putting it kindly. I was pale and gaunt and my eyes looked as if I'd gone ten rounds with Muhammad Ali. I splashed some cold water on my face and then I held a cold damp wash cloth to my eyes trying to get the swelling down. When I was finally able to open my eyes more fully, I got into the shower and mentally made my plans for the day. I spent a long time under the spray; it felt like I was washing off my old life, like a loofah sloughing off dead skin. When the water finally ran cold, I got out and dressed in a simple jeans, a white t-shirt and sneakers. I wasted no time in leaving the house, stopping only long enough to drink a small glass of orange juice.

My destination? My attorney's office – Lancaster & Lancaster. Although I didn't have an appointment, this is Bon Temps. I knew he'd be able to see me, or his partner would. At the moment, either one would do.

I pulled up to the strip mall that Bill still owned. Lancaster & Lancaster was just two doors down from Tara's Togs. Sid Matt Lancaster, our family's old lawyer, had died years back, but his grandson and his grandson's wife were lawyers and had started a practice together, collecting a lot of Sid Matt's old clients. Of course, I was one of the few living old clients… most were second and third generation clients of Sid Matt's, but given how I looked, I may as well have been a second or third generation client myself. I walked in the door and up to the receptionist.

"Afternoon Penny, is Billy or Ally around?" I asked. The receptionist, a thirty-something year old gal named Penny, looked up from her computer screen, where she was watching You Tube videos. She hit pause and met my eyes.

"Hey Sookie. Billy is in court right now but Ally is in her office. Hang on just a sec," she said as she shouted down the hall – it was a small office – "Hey Ally, you busy? Sookie is here!"

"Send her on back," a voice floated from the end of a short hall.

"Go on in," Penny said, as if I hadn't just heard their shouted exchange. This is the kind of thing I loved about living in a small town. I just smiled at Penny and I walked on back.

Ally was at her computer and had some books out on her desk that she was clearing away when I walked in. "Hey Sook, how's it going. What can I help you with today?" she said, not stopping in her task.

I took the seat opposite her desk, which was an old solid wood desk that was in the Lancaster family for generations – I know because I remembered it from the first time I came to see Sid Matt, when Jason was a suspect in the murders of several women in Bon Temps. However, I didn't become nostalgic, or waste any time getting to my point. I'd wasted enough time on Sam already, "So, Sam and I are getting a divorce and I'd like you to represent me," I stated flatly.

Ally froze in her tasks and her wide eyes met mine. "Sookie! Oh my goodness!" she said, the shock apparent on her face. _Wow, I wonder if she finally found someone who looks more her age,_ her thoughts came at me.

I didn't judge Ally. Her sentiments were shared by a fair number of town folk; they thought it even if they didn't say it to my face. So, I just went about correcting her thoughts by telling her, "Sam has found someone else and I am not going to fight him on this. She is much younger, but" I shrugged, unable to finish the sentence. "All I want is the house. It's already in my name, I never added Sam to the title. And I want the money in my own accounts. We can split the joint account 50/50. We each get to keep our own vehicles. He can have the bar back."

"Do you want Sam to buy the bar back off of you?" Her initial shock had given way to "lawyer mode" as she plotted the course that would give me the best result, which typically for a divorce client is the most assets.

"No, it's his. It always was," I replied. Honestly, as much as I knew that after Chicago, I was done with Were-politics, I was even more certain that I did not want to co-own the bar with him after our divorce. No, Sam owned the bar before we were married and, even though he gave me minority ownership when I loaned him the money to keep it afloat - before we were married - I never really considered the bar mine. Like me, Sam had a hard time accepting big gifts; however, at the time, he needed my money pretty badly, otherwise he would have had to close the bar. So, he did the only thing he could to make my gift okay in his mind by giving me part ownership. If that was what allowed him to accept my gift, then so be it.

"Well, Sookie, it's my obligation as your lawyer to tell you that if he cheated, I could probably angle it to get you ownership of the bar, or maybe the entire proceeds of your joint account in exchange for your interest in it. Don't you want that hon?" _Lord knows if Billy ever cheated on me, I would take his ass to the cleaners._

I smiled. Between Ally and Billy, Ally had the reputation as the more aggressive of the two and there was no doubt in my mind that she would have Billy's ass if he cheated on her, but I also knew from his thoughts that there wasn't another woman for him in all the world. It was why they were such great partners – in life and in practice. "No, Lord knows we've put each other through enough Ally. I want a quick, clean break."

"Alrighty then. If you change your mind, let me know, but I'll go ahead and draft the petition for dissolution and start drafting a proposed property settlement agreement as you requested. It seems fair and if Sam wants to move on, I suspect he'll agree to it. Is Sam going to use Lanny D?" Lanny D was Sam's regular lawyer for bar stuff.

"That's my guess. We didn't really talk about it though."

"Okay, I'll figure it out." Then, Ally looked at me straight in the eye. "I'll take care of this for you Sookie. You're in good hands." Her thoughts matched her words and I smiled my appreciation.

"Thanks Ally, I know you will," and with that I stood, shook her hand and left the office feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders as compared to when I first went in the office.

Afterwards the lawyers, I ran a few other errands, going to the library, grocery store, and the gas station. I knew I should have gone to Jason's to tell him about me and Sam, but I didn't want to relive the night's events again and I figured the news would spread fast enough through town as it was. Call me a bad sister, selfish even, but I know Jason pretty well. I didn't want him to try to fix my marriage and I knew he'd try. As a bitten-were, he was very supportive of the work Sam and I had done for the Were-community and while I knew he'd be there to support me through this, I also knew he'd try to talk me into taking Sam back, as if it was even an option.

I got back home at dusk and had just finished putting away the last of the groceries when there was a knock at the door. I wasn't expecting any company so I cast out my mind and found a familiar void. I opened the door and there was Pam.

She looked like she had run here – her hair was windswept but otherwise she looked as impeccable as she always did in her designer khakis, pink twin set and Coach flats. In her hand was a paper bag, "The Shifter called and told me he cheated on you … like a dog," she smirked at her own joke. "I brought Ben and Jerry's and movies about women's empowerment."

It took me a minute to mentally process what she had said, it was so unexpected. "Why did Sam call you?"

"You need a friend right now. So, is it Cherries Garcia or Half Baked? Your other decision is _Thelma and Louise_ or _Charlie's Angels_? And please say _Charlie's Angels_ because you know I love Cameron Diaz. I'm so glad she was turned back in the early 2010s."

**A/N: Much love to tabularasa88 who rocks my chapters! **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Get ready for Pam!**

Ch. 9

_One Month Earlier_

So, ice cream and movies were well underway when I finally asked Pam a question I hadn't yet had the opportunity to ask her: "So, are you not going to Chicago? I noticed you weren't on the attendee roster."

"I would have gone as a key sheriff for Louisiana, but Eric is going and Felipe didn't want to breach the agreement." Of course, I remembered that I wasn't the only one who sacrificed something when Eric left Louisiana. Pam had given up her maker for 200 years. "Bill will go," she stated without inflection. Bill was still peddling his database after all of these years, but he moved beyond CDs into a database that was accessed through the cloud, which one could access from anywhere, upon paying the subscription fee of course. He was still a big money generator for Louisiana, the biggest in fact. I wasn't surprised he was attending the Summit; he was on the list after all.

"I wish you were going too. I could use a friendly face," I sighed, resting my head on her shoulder.

"Me too," Pam said, pulling me close. "You know, it is better this way, you and the Shifter going your separate ways."

"Yeah, I know." She was right. I knew it and finally accepted it, but it didn't mean I wanted to talk about it. Changing the subject, I said, "I was thinking about getting out of here after Chicago. Maybe leaving the country. I always wanted to go to Europe, or even Australia," warm beaches and friendly accents flooded my mind.

Pam sat up straight and looked at me, concern filled her face. "Sookie, I think that wanting to travel admirable, but if you do go abroad, I would like me or Bill to go with you. I could even call Karin," Pam said with what I could only characterize as worry in her voice.

"Why Pam?" I huffed, a little offended Pam's over-protectiveness. "I'm not so naïve that I can't travel on my own and take care of myself."

"I know, and it's not that." Pam hesitated, as if she were having an internal debate about whether to tell me something that she would rather not. Of course, only vampires could keep secrets from me since their thoughts were silent. Experience had shown it was both a blessing and a curse.

"What is it Pam?" I pressed.

Resigned, she said, "The deal that was brokered between you, Eric, Felipe, and Freyda … it provided you protection from vampires, but _only_ in North America. If you were to travel to another country, you would be fair game for any supe, vampires included." I guess she could tell by the incredulous look on my face that I was a little more than doubtful. "I'm serious Sookie. Promise me, you won't go anywhere abroad without a trusted and capable vampire or Were companion."

"Oh my god, you're serious?" I asked. How had I not known this before?

"Yes, so please promise me. You can also travel with a demon," she added, almost as an after thought. "Maybe Mr. Cataliades or his niece Diantha. Both of them are acceptable."

I was still skeptical, even though deep down, I knew Pam would never lie to me. "If foreign vamps aren't bound by my order of protection, then why hasn't one kidnapped me by now? Ya'll make it sound like being a telepath is rare, but it ain't happened yet. Maybe they don't care about me and my curse? Maybe they don't think I'm worth the trouble?" I know it was wishful thinking, but hey, I was an optimist about some things… of course, usually those things involved my safety and that usually got me into a heap of trouble.

"They have. We have thwarted them before now," she shrugged.

"What the fuck are you talking about Pam? When?" my voice reached an octave higher than normal.

"Most recently, two years ago, but that was the sixth such attempt. None have gotten further than the would-be kidnappers entering the state." My jaw just hung open. Was Pam serious? "Sookie, all of the North American vamps, and the Louisiana vamps in particular, take your safety very seriously. We are oath bound to protect you. You are safe here. Plus, not every vampire loyal to a foreign monarch is a threat to you. After the second attempt to take you, about two years after Eric left Louisiana, he called on every favor owed him from all foreign vampires. They are also sworn to protect you and to report to Eric any rumors or plans that they learn of that threaten or compromise your safety."

"But … why? Why would Eric do that after the divorce? After he left the state?"

"You are a dumbass if you don't know why," she dead panned.

"Excuse me?"

"For fuck's sake Sookie. Eric loves you. Ever since you came into our bar like the virgin sacrifice you were, he has loved you. I shouldn't be telling you this … quite frankly, you should know it. He gave up his life with you to protect you. Everything he has done has been to secure your safety and happiness."

"He never loved me. He can't love. He told me so himself," my defenses were up. "And he asked me to be his mistress. How can anyone ask that of someone if they truly love them?"

"Again, you're just proving my point about you being a dumbass. Don't get me wrong. You're my friend, but you're a dumbass nonetheless. Eric has lived for more than a thousand years by controlling his emotions, it has been essential for his survival. And while he may try to deny them, I know the truth. I can feel his love for you in our bond, even now – although there is usually a fair amount of frustration, regret and sadness with it. You should have felt his love for you when you were bonded." And I had to ask myself, did I? I know I always felt happy, calm, and contentedness flowing from him when we were together, but that was the bond not love, right? But Pam just plowed on, pulling me from my reverie. "And even if you didn't know or understand what you were feeling from him, surely you witnessed his actions. He tried every way possible to get out of his contract with Oklahoma, but it was binding in the vampire world. You should ask your demon lawyer. Eric retained him to help him get out of the contract, but it was impossible. And so what if he asked you to be his mistress? You must understand that for Eric, being with you even sometime was better than not having you at all. And when you rejected him—"

"I never rejected him!" I protested.

"Shut the fuck up. Yes, you did reject him. You refused to go with him to Oklahoma," Pam's tone was stern.

"As his mistress!" I shouted. "Seriously? Besides, Freyda would have killed me."

"Freyda wants Eric's outward loyalty and protection to secure her rule. We're vampires Sookie, fidelity in vampire marriages isn't exactly a given unless it is a marriage of love, and you already know his marriage to Freyda wasn't that."

"I couldn't share him," I whispered, but I knew Pam still heard me. "What would that make me? A whore?" There was an edge to my voice; I was indignant.

"As I said, given the option, you rejected him and moved on with the Shifter. So, leaving Eric no other options, he did everything he could to secure your safety and exclusion from vampire politics. Of course, he has no say in Were politics so, unfortunately, he could do nothing to keep you from getting pulled into that. But, he knew there was a plus side to it too, you became important to the Weres and they offered you protection. Of course, even their constant presence in your life wasn't enough to keep other vamps from attempting to take you. So, Eric had to figure something else out. He's very good at thinking outside of the box. You should know he has been in negotiations with Britlingers, but inter-dimensional negotiations can be difficult." Eric. Why did it always come back to Eric?

To keep from dwelling on Eric, I asked "So, who has tried to take me?"

"Sweden, Russia, twice, Greece, and China, twice as well," Pam rattled off as if reciting her grocery list.

"Wh- … Why, I don't even speak their languages! How can I be useful to them as a telepath if I don't understand the thoughts I'm reading?!" This was insane.

Pam just leveled me that look of hers that told me I was being, well, a dumb ass. I was getting a lot of that look tonight. "Honey, they have spies. It's clear you aren't aging. You could live forever, or at least for a very long time. You can always learn their languages, several in fact."

It was all so much to take in. My head was swimming. "But why? Why didn't you ever tell me? About Eric? About the threats?" I pulled back from her, wanting to see her face when she answered me, as if I could read the truth there.

"What good would it have done? Would you have cared? Would you have felt safer knowing?" she asked and I knew I wouldn't have. On the contrary, I would have denied the threat or that Eric cared enough to help, I would have claimed it wasn't true, and then I'd have probably been a basket case… like I was now.

After a short pause, I asked "So why are you telling me this now?"

"Your connection to the Were cause has offered you additional protections for all of these years, but now that you will no longer be actively affiliated with them and their cause, it is yet to be seen if they will continue to offer you their protection. It seems the Shifter is trying to negotiate something with the Shreveport pack though, as a reward for the help you've given them over the years."

"What! Sam knew about the threats?!"

"He did not originally, as we were afraid you would read the threats to you from his thoughts, but he has since been made aware."

"So what, he's trying to negotiate Were-protection as what? Some sort of pension? Well, fuck him. I don't need him!" The thought of Sam doing me any favors after last night was unbearable. I didn't want anything from him. I didn't want to be indebted to him. I wanted to be free of him and his influence.

"That was what we expected you would say," Pam looked at me disapprovingly, "but whether you accept it or not is irrelevant. You may still get it. You don't have to agree to it, or even like it. However, you will no longer have the Shifter's almost constant presence in your life, so you will be exposed in a new way for the first time in thirty years. As such, it has become important that you should know this now, for your own safety."

"Oh my god…." I trailed as all of this information washed over me.

"Sookie, you are safe here, you have protection. But if you travel, we just need to take other precautions to continue to safeguard your safety."

I let it all sink in. It was too much, too much to take in all at once, right here, right now. I knew I'd have to roll all of this around in my head for a while. Finally, I squeezed Pam's hand and said "Thank you Pam, for telling me," _and for giving me a lot to think about_ I thought.

**A/N: Gotta love Pam. Only she could get away with telling Sookie the way things are without really incurring her ire. **

**Much gratefulness to tabularasa88. I'm starting to feel guilty about how much work she puts in on these chapters when she has her own kick ass stories to write. Check them out. She is an outstanding writer!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Just a little something to say "welcome to the weekend"! Have a great one and enjoy!**

Ch. 9

_Two Weeks Earlier_

I walked across the cemetary to my only neighbor's house and knocked on the front door. "Hi Bill," I said as he opened his the heavy wooden door. It was about an hour after dark. I knew better than to come over at first dark, as Bill sometimes liked to sleep in the cemetery naked (why ruin clothes after all), and then he'd need to get cleaned up.

"Sookie, what a surprise," he said, inviting me in. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Bill and I remained friends over the years, but other than going to dinner at a vamp friendly restaurant in Shreveport, or taking in a movie or show, every few weeks, I didn't often stop in on him, at least not unannounced. I didn't want to catch him in the middle of eating … or entertaining … or both. However, today I had a favor to ask, and for more than one reason.

"I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. You aren't busy are you?" I asked as we walked into his living room.

"No, please have a seat. I was just doing some work; but Sookie, you know you're always welcome here. For any reason or no reason... but I can tell you have something on your mind," he said with a knowing look.

"You know me well Bill," I laughed an awkward nervous laugh. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. I needed to buck up my courage already and just get it over with. "It's about Chicago…"

"Yes," he replied and waited expectantly for me to continue. Gosh, this was tougher than I thought.

"Well, I had a room booked with Sam originally - months ago - and Mandy, well, she was supposed to be rooming with a Were, a friend of hers. But now ... well, the hotel is completely booked…." I said while twisting my hands in my lap.

"And you need a place to stay?" Bill intuited.

"Obviously Sam and Mandy are now gonna be rooming together, so I've lost my room." I had momentariily thought about forcing the issue with Sam and staying him just to piss him and Mandy off, but I knew, deep down, I really didn't want to room with him. Why make myself miserable. "And, I can't stay with Mandy's roommate. She's a real good friend of Mandy's. The thoughts…." I said trailing off. "Well, the hotel is fully booked since it's accommodating both the Summit and the Conference. I looked at other hotels, but on this short notice they are all booked too, either, with other vamps, Weres, or those who are capitalizing on the meetings. Of course, the Summit and Conference aren't the only things going on in Chicago that week too, although it would have certainly made the city busy nonetheless. Anyway, the closest hotel I could find was clear outside the city in Gary, Indiana. Pam isn't going, so I can't stay with her, and it's been decades since I've had a lot of contact with vamps, other than you and Pam that is. Well, I was hoping that maybe I could share your room? Look, this was really hard for me to ask you... I know it's asking a lot and you won't hurt my feelings by saying no…." I fumbled.

Bill cut off my ramblings, "Sookie, it's fine. Sure, you can share my room. I'm happy to help you out."

I sat there momentarily stunned while the weight of his words sunk in. "Thank you," I said, the relief clear in my voice, but then I hesitated before I continued. I didn't want Bill to send Bill mixed messages. "Another thing … I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but this isn't romantic or anything. I mean, just because we're sharing a room—"

"It doesn't mean we're getting together. I understand Sookie. I will respect your space and I promise, I'll be a perfect gentleman. Nothing untoward will occur. In fact, the room comes with a bed, but I planned on sleeping in a coffin in my room during my stay, so the bed is yours. And since I'll be dead for the day, well, our schedules probably won't create too much of an issue."

I sighed a huge sigh that I didn't even know I had in me. "Thank you Bill. This really means a lot to me."

"Anytime darling. I'm happy to help," and then he reached over, squeezing my hand in reassurance.

Of course, Bill knew about me splitting up with Sam, but he had been nice enough to not say anything about it to me. This was decidedly unlike how he had been thirty years ago when Eric left. Quite frankly, I think Bill still felt bad for being so smug when he told me that Eric paid to get me out of jail all those years ago on the condition that Sam not court me. I thought it was pretty petty of Bill to be taking such pleasure at my expense at the time – he was downright gleeful after all – and well, after I gave him a good telling off, he felt pretty bad about it. I know there was no love loss between him and Eric, but it was still low, even for him back then.

"I also have something else I want to ask you," I started.

"What is it Sookie? You know you can ask me anything."

"Well, I spoke with Pam and she explained to me that my protection with vamps only extended to North America. After we talked, I went back over the roster and noticed that there is the vampire king from England and a vampire queen from Spain attending the Summit. How safe am I going to be if I go to this thing? I mean, I want to finish this business with the Weres, but I don't want to make myself a target either."

"They would be fools to try to take you under the noses of so many North American vampires who are sworn to protect you. Sookie, vampires are pragmatic. We calculate, plan and take our time. It would be insanity for them to try to take you unwillingly at the Summit."

I knew I should be relieved, but I wasn't. I didn't really trust vampires all that much, at least not ones I didn't know. Well, at least not many of the ones I knew.

Bill pulled me from my thoughts and said "Pam told me that you're now aware of the threat you are under, but you must understand, that there are those that instead of kidnapping you would be willing to woo you."

My brow furrowed, "What do you mean Bill?"

"News that you are no longer affiliated with Weres, or at least soon won't be, is starting to spread. Yes, there are those who would take you against your will if they could, but how effective would you be as an unwilling telepath? However, they and others may try to convince you that you are better off going to another vampire kingdom willingly, well …"

And it reminded me of Sophie Ann. She sent Bill to procure me, not to kidnap me. Influence me with glamour and when that didn't work, romance me instead. A willing telepath is far more controllable than an unwilling one. So, these vamps would likely try to do the same. Of course, had I not started work under contract for Eric all those years ago, then Sophie Ann would have influenced even more control over my life, maybe moving me to New Orleans, forcing a blood bond with Andre. But Eric stepped in then, more than once. And I couldn't help thinking that again, thirty years later, it still all came back to Eric. I shook my head to try to clear it.

"Sookie you should know that an updated roster will be going out soon. As word spreads about your situation, more vampires from other nations will likely try to attend the Summit in hopes of convincing you to go to them – rumor has it Russia and China are seeking a late admittance."

"Two of the countries that tried to kidnap me?" I was unable to help the rising panic in my voice.

"Yes. Given your ties to Weres back then, they probably felt there were no viable options that did not involve force, but now… I imagine they will try to appeal to you directly. But you don't have to go, nor would I want you to," he said with a small smile. "And you will be well-guarded. Felipe will be there as your monarch, although you owe him no services due to your bargain. I will be there and I am sworn to protect you and I will Sookie, to the day I cease to exist," and I could see the guilt that still lingered in Bill's eyes … guilt over taking my virginity under false pretenses, cheating on me, raping me, almost draining me dry, not being able to protect me from the torture I experienced at the hands of Lochlan and Neave, well... I suppose he had a lot to feel guilty about. "I imagine Sam and the Weres would not want harm to come to you either and will offer you their protection while at the Summit. And naturally Eric and Freyda will be there. While Freyda does not have any particular affection for you, she would not want you harmed if such harm could undo her contract. Otherwise, it would cost her Eric. And Eric, well, I'm ashamed to say that even I underestimated him," Bill looked abashed and I couldn't understand why. He and Eric were friendly rivals at one time, but they never really held each other in esteem.

"What do you mean Bill?" I pressed.

"Despite Eric's … situation … he has worked, and continues to work, to safeguard you and your freedom. I understand Pam told you he has made contacts with those who owe him favors from abroad, but I understand he has committed substantial sums towards getting you Britlingens. He started those negotiations while you and Sam were still together, but now, given your impending divorce, he is trying to expedite the negotiations so that you will be adequately protected. However, securing their services is a lengthy and costly process. Apparently, it has not deterred him though." Bill then let out a self-deprecating chuckle, "I honestly didn't think he would continue to look after your interests once he left for Oklahoma. Certainly not after Karin left. He is not known for his sentimentality, and well, if you are not his then why would he bother?" I was puzzled by Bill's assessment but didn't have time to dwell on it. I had gotten what I came for and would just have to think that over another time, without Bill's appraising eye.

"Well, thanks Bill. For everything. The room, the information, it's a lot to take in, but I appreciate your candor." I said as I excused myself from his home. The next two weeks would certainly be stressful, to say the least.

**A/N: I promise, Sookie is NOT going to run back into Bill's arms. I'm no fan of Bill, but I do think they would likely remain friends. I mean, after all he did to her, she was still friendly with him in DEA. And after all, this should create some nice conflict, don't you think? :)**

**Special shout out to tabularasa88. All mistakes are mine.**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: To the reviewers who are frustrated by Sookie's inability to see all that Eric has done for her in the past, even thirty years later when she's in her 60s, yes, it is frustrating. Yes, I want to smack some sense into her ... and I promise, I will and soon. But not just yet. And to those who are annoyed at her low-self-esteem/doormat status. Yes, that is frustrating too. That is how CH wrote her. I will rehab her, it just takes some time. It's hard to undo all those years of stupidity, depression, disappointment, etc. She isn't the strong Sookie some of you may be used to in fanfiction. She's the Sookie CH wrote - full of doubt, self-loathing, feelings of inadequacy, with unrealistic dreams for a supe. If you can't bear it, then I understand if you don't want to read anymore. I'm sure there is a lot of fanfiction out there where you get the strong smart Sookie immediatly and she and Eric fall easily into each other and fight all of the external forces that are working against them and I suggest you seek one of those out. This story is the interpersonal struggle and Sookie's realization that even when you plan your life, things don't always work to plan. Life can be disappointing and you may just realize that when you were you're most scared, that was when you were really alive, and really in love. The question is, what is she going to do about it.**

Ch. 11

_Eight Days Earlier_

I was at the Shreveport airport early, well, at least earlier than I would otherwise normally be at the airport before a flight. With my years of travel experience for the Contingency, I was usually an efficient – and light - traveler. Not this time though. I stepped out of the long-term parking shuttle laden with my bags. One suitcase carried nothing but my two ball gowns and their matching shoes: one for the opening ball and one for the closing ball. Another suitcase carried the business attire I would need for the rest of the meetings this week, as well as my make-up and toiletries. My carry-on bag had my laptop, the Summit/Conference Agenda, attendee roster, all of the notes and papers I needed for the Were Contingency matters I would be participating in, and a true crime book (I'd give up romances thirty years ago). I checked-in at the American Airlines ticket counter and made my way to the security check point so I could get past security and get a cup of coffee.

I had just settled at the gate with my book and coffee when I caught the familiar thoughts of Sam. _Gate 13… 14… ah, here we are, A15… Oh, Sookie is already here._ I slammed my shields up and pretended to read my book as he came over and took a seat next to me. I ignored him at first, but he was fidgety and after a few awkward moments, I finally shifted my eyes to his. "Hey Sook," he said softly.

"Hey Sam," I replied, and then I noticed that Mandy was standing by a potted fern about 20 feet away. I kept my eyes on Sam, expectant.

"Gosh, Sook, this is a little awkward, but I was wondering, well, you and I booked our tickets for this trip months ago and we're sitting together … Mandy got one of the last seats on this flight and well, I was hoping you'd swap tickets with her so she and I could sit together. I don't expect you'd want to sit next to me …"

I seethed. I hated that Sam was a taker, and I was starting to realize that maybe he always was. I was also kicking myself. I remembered to make arrangements about the room, but I forgot about the plane tickets. I guess it was asking too much of Sam to think about these things, but then, I knew he wasn't thinking about me. No, he was doing this for _her_. I didn't have to dip into her head to know she wanted to sit by Sam. It was written all over that nervous insecure face of hers. Sam's face was earnest though and I knew he was right. I didn't want to sit next to him or Mandy. After letting him sweat it out a minute or two, and simply said "Fine," and handed him my ticket. I would have to make sure to change my flight on the return trip, because I didn't want to have to deal with this twice. Sam handed me Mandy's ticket and I took a quick look at the seat. "Are you fucking kidding me! 28B! I gave up 5A for 28B!"

"Yeah, sorry Sook. Mandy was supposed to be flying out of DC but changed her flight after … well, you know. She was lucky to even get on this flight."

"Yeah lucky," I mumbled. "Is there something else you need Sam? A kidney maybe?" Honestly, how much more was I going to give this guy before I was done.

"No, that's all. Just… thanks Sookie," Sam said and slowly got up and walked over to Mandy holding up my … now her … ticket. My only consolation was that this was a relatively short flight.

Of course, the airline boarded the plane from front to back, so by the time I got on the plane there was no overhead storage space available. And I was in the middle seat between one person who physically spilled into my seat and another person who thought he clearly should have two armrests instead of one. And for some reason, I was getting no air from my little overhead vent and then the heavy set person next to me started to sweat and then I had to deal with his body odor. I was silently thinking of the many ways I was going to torture Sam and Mandy in my head. It was the longest two and a half hours of my life.

Of course, all three of us were milling around the baggage carousel when Sam suggested we share a cab to the Four Seasons.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to pass. I can get my own cab," I responded as I hauled my luggage onto a trolley.

"You know, that's actually a good idea," Sam said eyeing my many bags, no doubt thinking about how a cab would accommodate all of my stuff and theirs too.

"Well, don't act so surprised. I am known to have them on occasion," I snipped and I walked off towards the taxi line. His jaw was hanging and I could care less. I swear, this week could not be over with soon enough.

…

The hotel was stunningly beautiful. The lobby had high ceilings with intricate carvings of rosettes. The floor was a white marble that stood in stark contrast to the black marble pillars and rich dark wood that accented the lobby. I made my way to the check-in desk and a porter brought my bags up behind me. Ever since Rhodes, I had made it a point to listen in when I checked into hotels. I was always doing a risk assessment. Since it was only late afternoon, the vamps were all dead still; however, Bill had already checked in the night before, so I only had to get my room key and I head on up. I dipped into the check-in clerk and her thoughts were only that it was odd that I wasn't traveling with my vampire. Over the years, there had been a lot of acceptance for vamp-human relationships, at least in the big cities.

Because I was staying with Bill, I was on a vamp floor where all of the rooms were light tight. There were ten such floors in this hotel and Bill's room was on the 28th Floor. I was actually happy to be staying on a vamp floor. First, I wouldn't have to shield so hard since I can't read vamps. Second, I wouldn't see (or hear) Sam and Mandy on their floor. I scanned the card and went into the room. This hotel was so much nicer than the Giza in Rhodes, which was the last time I went to a vampire Summit. The room was fairly spacious and had a little living room area in addition to the bed in the main room. There was a bathroom to the left, which had a really nice deep bathtub and a shower with about five shower heads. The shower made me feel immodest though given where all of the shower heads were poking out.

Bill's coffin was set just next to the bed and even though I knew he couldn't hear me, I still gave it a little tap on the lid and said "Hey Bill, it's Sookie. I just got here."

I wasn't due for anything until that evening so I decided to go ahead and unpack my bags, filling the empty drawers Bill had left for me, hanging my ball gowns next to Bill's things in his closet, and setting my toiletries on the side of the bathroom sink that Bill had left for me. It felt so weird to be sharing Bill's room, putting my things next to his, putting my toothbrush next to his. It brought up a lot of memories and dreams that I once had where he was concerned, when I was a young woman of only 25 and Bill was my first love. However, I was wiser now, both in the ways of supes and vampires in general, as well as with life experience. I had no intention of repeating history with him.

Once I was done, I looked around the room and with still a couple of hours until dark, I decided to take a nap. Sleep found me quickly.

**A/N: Love love love to tabularasa88, pre-reader extraordinaire!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in getting you this chapter. I have been tweaking it and rewriting it, trying to get it just right. Plus, it didn't help that work and family stuff got in the way there too. But, without further ado!**

Ch. 12

_ It is as if I am outside of myself. I am watching myself sitting in a booth drinking with Bill at Fangtasia. I knew it was the first time I went there… not only because I was wearing my white sundress with the little red flowers, but it was also the look in my eyes. My eyes were bright, hopeful, naïve. I hadn't been beaten down by years of abuse, torture, heartache, loss, and disappointment. Was I always that happy? Back then? I could see it in my eyes._

_ I am writhing in pain, laying on my stomach on a leather sofa in Eric's office. My shirt had been cut away revealing the long scratches from the maenad. The pain was blinding, but there, just on the edge of the pain, was a soft voice drifting to me, comforting me, trying to ease my pain. Through blurred vision I could just make out a beautiful blonde halo and piercing blue eyes. Eyes filled with … wonder? Tenderness? Compassion? I'm still trying to suss it out when my dream changes yet again._

_ I am blinded by the searing pain in my side. Blood is gushing out of a gaping hole in myside and there are vampires everywhere. There, in the darkness, is Eric, holding me. Pressing my wound to staunch the bloodflow. Talking me through my healing on that big soft luxurious bed. I let him in. Let him take away my pain._

_ I am somewhere dark, closed, and confined. My eyes are open, barely, but it made no difference. I can't see anything in the dark. But I can feel. I am weak from blood loss, my body was battered and violated. A terrible weight presses down on me and my thoughts are desperate, hopeless; I don't think I'll live to see another day. Then, light fills the void and I am being lifted out by strong cool hands … to light … to safety._

_ Bombs are going off all around me as I rush to Eric and Pam's room, my eyes wild with panic. Inside the room, I try my best to wake them up … to flee the bombs, fire, and crumbling building. Pam is younger than Eric and I can't wake her, but Eric fights his daytime death. In his stupor he saves us all. He crashes the window and we ride Pam's coffin down the side of the Giza hotel, Eric covered in a black cloak, out into the sunlight and to safety._

_ I am standing in a hospital room. Trey lay dying on a bed. Bill is a sickly gray color from his silver poisoning. Eric is also there, sick from silver, drinking bottled blood, trying to heal so that he could be ready … ready to fight … to protect. The next thing I know, we are all taking defensive positions and fairies are breaking through the door. All swords, fangs and claws. In the end, we win and come through it, though not all of us._

_ I am laying on the floor of a hallway. Hotel maybe? I am in Eric's arms and though I am weak, I can still see him … his face. The pained look in his eyes breaks my heart into a million pieces and I want to comfort him. Take away his pain. I reach up with a bloodstained hand and press it into his cheek. Red tears threaten to spill from his eyes and he says "Tell me what to do Sookie." He's so sad, so lost. I manage to say "Let me go," barely above a whisper, my voice is so weak. But I know he hears me with his vampire hearing. And no matter how much he wants to turn me, to keep me, I know he will let me go because I asked him to._

_ I am at home in Bon Temps. Niall is there, on my porch. It is a scene that is familiar yet different somehow. "The vampire loves you," Niall says. I remembered him saying that before. I remember thinking that he never told me which vampire he meant. Instead of staying silent, this time I spoke up. I blurt out, "Which one? Which one Niall?" Tears are staining my face but I don't know why. "Do you really need to ask?" and with a small chuckle and shake of his head, he says "You know which one. You've always known."_

I slowly come out of my dream state, slightly confused as I get my bearings. I hear the sound of a shower running in the background and I remember – Chicago, Vampire Summit, Were Conference, Sam, Mandy, Bill … Eric. Always Eric. I lay there in bed thinking about my dream … what did it meant…. Then I shook my head dismissively. Dreams are just dreams. They don't mean anything, not really. It's just my subconscious playing tricks, taking pieces of information and playing it back, weaving it into vignettes. After all, all of the scenes in my dream were real. They really happened to me, although some of the details may have differed. For example, I never asked Niall what vampire he was talking about when he said he loved me. Except… there was that other scene towards the end… where I was lying in a hotel lobby being held by Eric, that one is new, but it doesn't mean anything. Lord knows Eric has held me many times while I was bleeding. Besides, dreams aren't prophecies. They're just dreams.

Of course, if I was looking for a cohesive theme for my dream, I couldn't help but realize that in each scene, Eric was helping me through some crisis, some trauma. I knew Eric had done a lot for me back then when he was a part of my life (heck, according to Pam and Bill, he is doing things for me even now), but it wasn't enough ... it isn't enough. Not enough to keep him with me. To keep him from leaving. He left, just like every man I'd ever attached myself to. He may not have wanted to, but he did it all the same. And he left me alone. And now I am alone again. I sighed a heavy sigh. I shouldn't be going through this emotional turmoil again. I mean, he left ... they all do. I hardened my heart to it long ago, just like I'm doing with Sam. Besides, I think I had the dream because I am just so mixed up knowing I am going to see Eric again. That is what this is about, right?

However, I couldn't think about it any longer because Bill stepped out of the bathroom. He was wearing a white hotel bathrobe.

"Good evening darling," he greeted.

"Hey Bill. Sleep good?" I asked, putting on my happy face although I was anything but.

He just shrugged. "I was dead," he stated matter-of-factly. "Did you sleep well?"

"Like the dead," I fake-smiled. The dream still weighed on my mind so I shifted topics. "So, when does the ball start?"

"You have a little over an hour still. You know, if you wanted, we could walk in together for the receiving line?"

Of course, Sam would be walking in with Mandy and while not everyone here had a date, it would be apparent that I was entering the opening ceremonies alone. Unchaperoned. Up for grabs. Walking in with Bill would send the message that I was not unprotected and easy for the pickings. Of course, it would probably also send the signal to the other supes that I am his. I liked Bill as a friend and didn't want people to draw certain wrong conclusions about me … but given the stakes, I figured I could live with the misperceptions. It was better than serving myself up on a platter for the taking.

After that moment's consideration, I nodded my agreement. "Sure Bill. Just as friends though," I clarified. Of all the people I didn't want to draw conclusions, he was the biggest one.

"Of course," he said, straightening his posture and clearing his throat. After a moment's awkward silence, he continued, "It is my understanding that the protocol for this evening is for all of the officers of the Were Contingency and the Vampire royalty and their consorts greet the attendees in a receiving line. Once we get through the receiving line, we can part ways."

"Okay," I said. I knew I'd have to greet Felipe, Freyda and Eric, and other vampire royals who wanted me. I swallowed the lump that was building in my throat and pushed up off the bed. "I guess I'll make myself presentable then."

…

An hour and a half later, I step out bathroom, primped and coifed. Bill was sitting nonchalantly on the bed playing on his phone, but looked up when the bathroom door opened. I almost chuckled when I heard him take an unnecessary breath. Even though it was just Bill, it was nice to have the assurance that I was still desirable. Still attractive. I hadn't felt that way in such a long time. Almost thirty years to be exact.

"Sookie, you look lovely," Bill said lowly.

I just smiled, liking the effect despite the fact that I knew I didn't want to encourage him. Deciding not to prolong the inevitable, I looked him in the eye and said, "Let's get this show on the road."

Bill and I walked downstairs, with me on his arm. It's an oddly familiar feeling. I mean, one time, more than three decades ago, I would have been on his arm probably attending a function very similar to this as his human, his girlfriend. However, now, the feeling of platonic friendship was all that I could muster for Bill, even if I suspected he always felt a little bit more for me, at least deep down.

Bill was wearing a black tux which was well tailored and he looked handsome as he always did. I was wearing a blue strapless ball gown that was fitted, with small crystals sewn into the fabric which made my dress shimmer like new fallen snow. The crystals were small enough that the collective weight wasn't very heavy, which made me happy. Otherwise, I'm sure the airline would have charged me a "heavy baggage" fee when I checked it. My hair was up in a French twist with a few blond curls that spilled here and there. The effect was very Cinderella-ish.

When we arrived at the main ball room, a line had formed almost to the door. Bill and I got into it and chatted quietly with each other as we awaited our turn to begin the greetings. Bill was nice enough to point out vamps of importance to me, since I had been uninvolved in their politics for many decades; I let him in on the Weres I knew and their roles within the Contingency.

"There," he said "the third vampire in line, the one to the left of Felipe, is the vampire King of England, Edward Marvel." Edward was not quite six feet tall with fine, straight, dark hair that fell to his shoulders. He was in an outfit befitting a King, rich heavy fabrics of red with a white and gold sash, topped with a gold crown set with red jewels. His jacket had brass buttons and medals adorned his chest. It seemed as if he had stepped straight from a history book, but because I had never been very studious in school, I couldn't even begin to tell you what era he resembled. But then again, King William (the current human King of England) wore similar attire at formal events, probably in a nod to times past, so maybe King Edward wasn't very old at all.

"Of course, you know Felipe. Next to him are Freyda and Eric."

I didn't really need Bill to point Eric out to me. I had noticed him as soon as we came in the ballroom. I don't know why that after all of these years … years we've spent apart after he left me … he should still affect me as he does. I mean, we've been over for a long time, almost as long as me and Bill. While Bill and I had developed a friendship over the years, he never stirred the romantic feelings within me that he once did. And even though the pain of Sam leaving is fresh, I'm becoming numb to it. I can already tell it doesn't affect as much as the shock of it did when I first found out. However, whenever I saw Eric – even when he divorced me, visited me in the hospital just before he left for Oklahoma, hell, even five years ago in the Smithsonian – he always stirred this feeling in me that made me all discombobulated. I couldn't put my finger on it. I could feel butterflies in my stomach, a little light-headedness crept into my brain, my fingers tingled, and I was also filled a heavy heart … a distinct sadness, but not just sadness. It was hard for me to keep track of so many contradictory feelings at once.

We approached the royals, with Bill in front. "Your Highness," Bill greeted King Edward. "William Compton, of Louisiana." They nodded their greetings. "And this," Bill said turning to me.

"Is Mrs. Stackhouse-Merlotte. It is a pleasure madame," King Edward said, bowing low and taking my right hand in his, lightly kissing my knuckles. It was a bit of a shock as I knew vampires didn't like physical contact very much, so I stuttered my greeting.

"Y—your Highness," I curtsied, unable to say more.

"Please, call me Edward. I have heard so very much about you Mrs. Stackhouse-Merlotte."

I was tempted to tell him I was no longer Merlotte, but I thought now was not the time or place to get into all of that. So instead I decided to allow him to use my first name. "Please, call me Sookie."

A huge smile broke out across his face. "It would be my honor," he said, placing his free hand across his chest. When he finally released my hand, he said "I look forward to getting to know you my dear he said." I couldn't help but get the feeling that as far as vampire royals go, he didn't seem so bad.

We were getting ushered along to keep the line moving, so I next greeted Felipe, who also took my hand in his for a kiss.

"Ah, Ms. Stackhouse," he said in his familiar accented voice. "It is always a pleasure. I hadn't had the pleasure of seeing your lovely face in quite some time and I must say, you look as stunning as always… as young as always." I could see the wheels working behind his eyes, but had no idea what machinations were turning in his brain. I greeted him politely and was shuttled forward.

When I got to Freyda, we nodded, but I noticed she inched closer to Eric, as if marking her territory. Please, if she could have peed, I'm sure his leg would be soaking. Of course, she too was as lovely as always and I hated her all the more for it. "Mrs. Merlotte, it seems you're back to vampires now," she said eying Bill.

"It's Ms. Stackhouse now and Bill was kind enough to accompany me here tonight," I said flashing her my false smile. Kill her with kindness as my Gran would say.

"I see," she said, looking me up and down; sizing me up.

Then, I was ushered to the next person in line: Eric. He lightly touched my left hand, bringing it to his face and I felt a current of electricity ripple through me. Did he feel that too? His cool lips brushed my knuckles as his thumb traced over the tan line on my ring finger … where my wedding ring used to sit. Even though Freyda was greeting the next person in line, I could see the set of her shoulders narrow and tense as she moved her eyes towards me and Eric.

"Sookie," he breathed. "You look beautiful," his eyes taking me in.

"Eric," I acknowledged, trying to keep my breathing and heart rate steady. It was futile of course, and he knew it.

"I heard about …" he said slightly squeezing my hand and my ring finger, "though I'm surprised to see you here with Bill."

"Well, he's a friend. He's been a friend to me when I've needed one," I said, more defiantly than I should have.

He leaned towards me, as if he wanted to say something. Freyda's eyes narrowed and then I was shuttled on to the next person in line.

**A/N: And much love goes to tabularasa88. Rock star beta and kick ass author. All mistakes are mine.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: You know how it is when you're trying to go on vacation but you are killing yourself working ungodly hours so that you can actually enjoy vacation when you're on it, but you also know that when you come back to the office after vacation, you're going to still be paying for it anyway? Yeah, that's my life right now. So bear with me and if we're all lucky, maybe my family will let me write a little next week ... at least in between our stints to the beach.**

Ch. 13

After Bill and I made it through the receiving line, being introduced to folks whose names I bet I wouldn't remember, we entered the ballroom. It was simply beautiful, momentarily making me forget exactly what I was here for, and how dangerous an event like this could be, especially for someone like me.

Tables, decorated with heavy black and white table clothes and adorned with candles and intricate and exotic floral arrangements, were set up along the outside of a large parquet dance floor.

A small orchestra set, whose members were wearing tuxes and long black dresses, was setting up to the side of the dance floor. The sound of an A note hung in the air as the musicians tuned their instruments. Because the group attending this event was … eclectic (to say the least)… there would be different styles of music playing throughout the evening. This small orchestra was just the first of several musical groups that would be performing tonight. Later on there would be jazz, pop, and even a little rock too – it turns out the Grateful Dead really were dead (but not finally dead), and grateful.

Along one wall was human and Were food – two chocolate fountains brimming with both white and dark chocolate, little finger sandwiches, tiny quiches, petit fours, fruit … and on the other wall was vampire food - a blood fountain, bottles of Tru Blood, Royalty Blend, and a new brand called Lifeforce, and also human donors, both men and women, in a variety of shapes and sizes. The human donors were wearing black silk robes and slippers. Their robes had their blood types embroidered on the left breast in red script. I had forgotten about that – the donors. Sure, I still hung out with Bill and Pam, but they stuck to the bottled stuff when they were with me. I had forgotten about … well, you know … how vamps prefer to get blood directly from the source. Just showed how out of practice I was being around them again after all of these years.

I didn't think Bill had had anything to eat since I had arrived and he did look a little pale … well, paler than usual. With my arm still in his, he leaned down and said, "Sookie, I think I may have a bite to eat," and somehow I didn't think he meant the bottled kind.

"That's fine Bill. I think I'll wander over to the buffet myself. Meet up with you later?" I asked.

"Of course, darling," he said, squeezing my hand before disappearing into the crowd near the vampire buffet.

I turned around and started to walk towards the human food line, but then I saw Mandy and Sam walking side by side, filling their plates and smiling at one another. My mouth was pressed into a firm line. I really didn't want to speak with them anymore than I would already have to at the meetings. So, I stood there, hovering on the edge of the dance floor, yet for some reason, unable to look away from them.

It struck me that they looked like some lopsided May-December couple; _but then_, I thought, _isn't that how I looked when I was with him?_ Even though we were only a few years apart in age, anyone who didn't know us would have thought the exact same thing about us ... that he was my sugar daddy, or that I had a daddy complex. Still, I couldn't help thinking how ridiculous he looked with someone who could have easily been mistaken for his daughter ... but then again, he also looked ridiculously happy and I didn't want to begrudge him for that. After all of our unhappy years together, if he could have even a few genuinely happy ones, then I should be okay with that, right? Still, I had a hard time finding my grace. I stood there stuck with my thoughts when I was approached by General Bragg, a Were who was the current National President of the Were Contingency.

Pulling me from my reverie, he greeted me warmly. "Hello Sookie, you are a vision."

"Thanks General Bragg. You look very handsome yourself." And he did. He was an older gentleman, a few years older than Sam, maybe in his late-60s, with salt and pepper hair, but mostly salt. Being in the military, he was still fit for a man of his age, and it showed through his tailored uniform.

His eyes followed my line of sight and his tone became somber, "Sookie, I'm so sorry to hear about you and Sam." I hated having his pity, however, I felt that this was something I would be getting a lot of this week. For the past few decades, Sam and I had worked closely on the Were cause and so our separation was certainly news that I would be unable to avoid this week, especially given my impending "freelance" status, so to speak.

"That's very kind of you, but as you can see, Sam is ... happy ... and well … that's all that really matters," I said with a dismissive wave of my hand.

General Bragg just gave me a small sad smile and said, "Well, I understand this is a difficult time for you. However, while I have you here, there is something I wanted to talk to you about. Sam tells me you intend on getting out of Were matters completely after this Conference. Is that true?"

While I wasn't really surprised Sam had told the Contingency they were getting ready to lose their telepath, I was disappointed. This was my news and he should have left it to me to tell folks, but before I could explain, General Bragg just continued on.

"Sookie, while I can understand why you may not want to have anything to do with Sam right now, I do hope you know that _you are_ important to the Were cause. Frankly, we wouldn't have gotten nearly as far as we have these past twenty plus years without you and your talent. And just because you and Sam aren't together anymore, well, that doesn't mean we want you to go. Look, we're a big organization and there is a place for you in it."

His face was pleading, but I had already made up my mind on this point. "General Bragg, I appreciate what you're offering and all, but really, the only reason I got involved with the cause in the first place was because of Sam, and well, since he works on national matters, it would be nearly impossible for me to avoid him and Mandy completely and ... I'm just not ready for that. Please know, this wasn't an easy decision for me…." I said, but then the General cut me off.

"Please Sookie," he voice was strained, "think about it. We have offices, branches all over the United States. You could name your state, and we'll find a place for you in our organization."

"Again, I appreciate the offer, but my mind is made up," I said, leaving no room for argument.

"Sookie, this isn't something you should decide hastily. You may think you've made up your mind, but you can always change it. Look, I don't think you know exactly how important you have been to us over the years," I couldn't help but notice that General Bragg was defintely getting more pushy, and starting to encroach into my space.

"I can assure you General Bragg. I did no such thing. This decision was one I thought long and hard over, but I've made my mind up. After this week, my work for the Were Contingency is done. I'm out. But, don't worry, you still have Sam."

"I don't give a damn about Sam!" he said, with a whispered yell. My eyes went wide at the vitriol in his voice. "Look at him. We have, what? Fifteen years with Sam doing the same thing that any Were can do … make speeches, shake hands. There are hundreds of Weres that could do what he does. He's nothing special. However, you clearly have many long years ahead of you and you're a telepath. No one else has one. You are a rarity ... truly unique ... you're our ace in the hole against all of those who would oppose us," he said forcibly grabbing my arm and giving me a small shake.

I shook my arm free from his grip and hissed, "Well, you don't own me and you sure as hell can't have me!"

Just then, a familiar voice interrupted our heated discussion. "Excuse me," Eric said firmly. Both General Bragg and I turned to him and while I had still had mixed feelings where Eric was concerned, I had to say that I was relieved to see him at that moment. Even so, I was fairly sure I could handle General Bragg under the circumstances. After all, what could he do in a crowded ballroom?

"Eric," I acknowledged him politely, but my eyes conveyed to him my appreciation for breaking up my exchange with the General.

Straigtening himself up, the General nodded at Eric, and then turned to me once more, "Sookie, I'm serious. Don't make any rash decisions. Please consider my offer. It still stands." With that, the General walked away.

"Was I interrupting something?" Eric asked, clearly knowing damn good and well he had, what with the vamp hearing and all.

"I'm fine. I can handle it," I said firmly, straigtening my back and holding my head high. I couldn't help but remember my dream from earlier and how often Eric seemed to come to my rescue; but I didn't need him, not now. I could save myself.

Eric looked a little put out at my response, the ropes of his jaw sawing back and forth. And then with an unneeded breath, he cleared his features, "You look beautiful," he said, clearly changing the subject. "If I recall, you wore a dress very similar to this one at Rhodes. You look just as lovely as you did then," he whispered, "even more so."

I didn't know what to say to his unsolicited compliment, so I just said, "You don't look too bad yourself." Of course, I realized immediately how absurd that statement sounded. Stunning, handsome, breath-taking, that was Eric Northman. Not too bad just didn't do him justice. However, he already knew he looked good and he certainly didn't need to hear it from me. So, we just stood there in awkward silence for a moment, neither meeting the other's eyes.

Then the band struck up. I could see Eric shift in my periphery and he got my attention when he faced me fully and asked, "May I have this dance?" His hand was extended and he gave me a slight bow.

I looked over to the food line and saw Mandy feeding Sam a chocolate covered strawberry. Gag. I looked to the other side and saw Bill cozying up to a petite brunette donor. Double gag. General Bragg was watching me from a distance. Creepy. It seemed I had no good options at the moment and, well, I do like to dance, so I nodded my acquiescence.

Eric's icy blue eyes brightened. He took my hand firmly in his own and led me to the dance floor. The band had just struck up a waltz and with my right hand in his left, and his large right hand spanning the entire width of the small of my back, we started to dance. We moved silently through the steps of the waltz. I didn't want to stare into Eric's eyes, which always seemed to see more than I wanted him too, and with so much else going on in the room that I wanted to avoid – Sam, Mandy, Bill, General Bragg - I decided to keep my gaze level with Eric's unbeating heart as we moved across the dance floor. After a short while, I found myself slowly letting out a breath and letting down my guard. I had forgotten how well Eric could dance, and the steady rhythm of our bodies moving in sync to the music was almost meditative. I had also forgotten how comforting his silent mind could be and I unconsciously allowed myself to relax into it.

"Why do I always feel so … relaxed… calm … content," _safe,_ I thought to myself, "when I'm with you?" It was a rhetorical question, but I knew he would try to answer it anyway.

"Sookie," he said.

"No," I cut him off. "You don't have to say anything. In fact, I'd prefer it if you didn't. Please, don't ruin this. Right now ... I'd ... I'd rather we just dance." He gave me a short nod, and we continued our waltz.

When the second song, a slow song, struck up, Eric made no move to let me go, and it was so easy to keep dancing with him, to stay in my quiet, calm bubble. However, I knew it was too good to last.

"Sookie," he began again. With a sigh I looked him in his eyes, his icy blue orbs peering into my soul. I guess I knew he wouldn't be my silent dance partner forever. I was never _that _lucky. "I just want you to know, I'm here for you."

"Mmmhmm," I said, disbelief thick in my voice. How could he say that when he lived in Oklahoma ... with his wife?

"I mean it. Whatever you may think about me, the things I've done, the choices I've had to make, you, your safety, has always been my utmost concern."

"Is that why you're trying to hire me Britlingers?" I asked bluntly.

"What .. Who told you?" he asked in disbelief.

I stared at him with unblinking eyes knowing too well he'd figure out the usual suspects. After all, they provided him with information about me, and what's good for the goose…. Finally, I was met with his knowing look, but I didn't give him an opportunity to avoid my question a second time. "Why would you do that Eric? Why would you go to the trouble … the time and expense … to hire the best bodyguards in the known realms for your _human ex-wife_?" my eyes challenged.

His grip tensed and his eyes narrowed. "You're not just my human ex-wife. Sookie, you are many things... Don't you ever underestimate your importance to me."

"Am I?"

"What?"

"Important to you? Why? It doesn't make sense."

"Doesn't it?" he said. I had no response for that.

After a moment, he pulled me closer until our bodies were flush. My breasts pressed into firmly into his chest and even through the fabric of our clothing, I could feel the hard planes of his chest and stomach. My nipples involuntarily pebbled and I cursed my traitorous body. I felt like I had to do something, so I looked up to meet his gaze again, ready to challenge him some more, but the look in his eyes, the fire, it caused my hard resolve to melt away.

And I sighed.

"I don't want to fight Eric," I whispered.

"Neither do I," he confessed. "I want you..." and my breath hitched, but then he continued, "... to be safe … I want for us to be friends. I hope that one day you can forgive me … for the way things ended between us. If only things could have been different for us …. God, I've missed you," he whispered, tucking my head under his chin, breathing me in, as we continued to move across the dance floor.

We fell silent and I allowed myself to burrow into his chest. _Really_, I thought to myself, _hadn't I held onto my anger long enough?_ A thirty year grudge is a long time, even by vampire standards I think. If I could start to forgive Sam, and his transgressions, after only a few weeks, then why couldn't I forgive Eric after all of these years? Especially after all we'd been through.

"I would like to be your friend too Eric. Very much," I whispered, but I knew he had heard me because his grip tightened, pulling me closer.

We danced some more, until I felt Eric's body go rigid. I pulled back confused, and then I saw King Edward tapping Eric's shoulder.

"May I cut in," he asked politely.

"Of course, your majesty," Eric replied, but his grip remained firmly in place for a few seconds longer than necessary. Finally, he released me to my new dance partner.

**A/N: Thanks and love to tabularasa88. A rock star proofreader!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I apologize for the delay but between vacation and the fact that I now have an expanded role at work, it has been hard to find time to write. I also have to confess that while on vacation I discovered Spuffy fanfiction, and have been spending a fair amount reading that too when I know damn good and well I should be writing. However, in the process I have learned a lot about myself. For example, who would have thought I had a thing for blond vampires. :) **

Ch. 14

"Your Highness," I greeted with a short curtsy and dip of my head. When I rose, the King took hold of my body in his large hands and began to glide me along the dance floor.

"Sookie, I thought I told you to call me Edward," he said in mock chastisement.

"Okay … Edward," I smiled involuntarily. There was something very disarming about Edward. Sure, he was handsome, with his dark features contrasting so nicely with his pale skin. But that wasn't it, or at least, that wasn't only it. Maybe it was because he didn't look at me like a piece of meat like so many other vamps did – something to be claimed and owned. Maybe it was nice just to be flirted with, however dangerous I knew that might be for someone like me. After all, sometimes it is nice to be reminded that I'm a woman, and after so many years of not feeling very attractive or desirable, the attention was not unwanted. No, I'm not sure what it is about Edward; but I'm not naïve either, not anymore. No sir, I'm not that 25 year old virgin that swooned over the first vampire to walk in my bar. No, I am far from that girl, both in terms of years and wisdom.

We danced for a while in silence and then Edward said, "I hope you don't mind my cutting in on Eric like that, but well, if looks could kill, you would have been dead before you hit the floor," his light chuckle contrasting starkly with his words.

"Excuse me," my brows furrowed in confusion.

"Queen Freyda," he said by way of one-word explanation. I suppose I should have known. I chanced a glance at her and could see her glaring eyes stalk Eric as he completed his retreat from the dance floor. Honestly, with that constipated look of hers, she could have even given Bill a run for his money.

"She was giving you the evil eye, although I'm not surprised. We vampires don't tend to put too much emphasis on fidelity, especially in politically arranged marriages like theirs, but still… seeing you and the Viking dancing like that and knowing your history. Well… she may be a vampire, but she is still a woman after all," he said with a verbal shrug.

"Eric and I… we aren't anything to each other, not anymore," my voice was devoid of inflection.

"I know," he said with a smile. "I also know that you and the Shifter aren't together anymore either." His look was knowing and yet seeking.

"Well, I wasn't exactly keeping that a secret…" I trailed.

We danced on and I couldn't help but notice that Edward was a really good dancer, so good that it was easy to get lost in the movement. "You're a natural," I said, meeting his eye. I got a slightly puzzled expression so I explained, "a natural dancer. You're very good."

"Well, I've had hundreds of years ballroom dancing, quite literally," he said with a light laugh. "If I couldn't dance a waltz by now, then I fear I'd never be able to manage it! Years of experience provides a lot of opportunity to hone one's skill."

I smiled a little wryly, thinking because I would never age, I too would have years of experience doing similar things. Our conversation then died and we fell into a bit of awkward silence as we continued to glide around the floor.

I knew the pleasantries would end sooner or later, so I wasn't all that surprised when Edward turned the conversation to business. "Look, it really isn't any of my business, but I like you Sookie. I have heard a lot about you, about what you've done for the Louisiana vampires for the time you worked with them, and what you've done for the Weres since then. You are a remarkable, accomplished woman and I admire your contributions to the Supe cause. But, I also suspect that your current situation is less than desirable…."

"Excuse me? I don't understand?" I feigned. Oh, I understood him alright, and I had a pretty good idea of where this conversation was going, but I just needed to hear it from him myself.

"Well, you're ending your relationship with Weres and I can't say that I see you going back to working for vampires in the US. Especially not after all that the Viking did to negotiate your separation from them and their politics. I just want you to know that you have options abroad. If you are looking for a … change of venue … I would be happy to pay you handsomely for your services, for however long you'd like to offer them, and I can assure your safety and protection in my court."

If Edward knew what to say to get my hackles up, well, he hit the nail on the head. It was like Sophie Ann all over again. I don't have a very good poker face, and Edward cut me off as I was just building myself up to a righteous tirade.

"Sookie, please hear me out. I don't want you make any decisions now. I simply want you to consider my offer. Think about it. Talk it over with your friends and family. You can even ask Eric about it. He will tell you that I am fair – and I'm willing to be even more so with you. He will also tell you that I am a vampire of my word. I'm certain Russia will proposition you as well as all of the other international monarchs attending this Summit. But Russia is such a cold, harsh country. The people too. You will find England is far more hospitable. Plus, you'll have to learn a new language if you go to many of the other countries that will surely make you offers. I don't want to push you. Far from it. I just want you to know that you have options. In fact, now that I've put my offer on the table, I think we can drop the subject entirely for now. That is, unless you have any questions for me." Edward arched a single brow and it reminded me so much of Eric that my heart stuttered.

I suppose it shouldn't have been a surprise. Not really. After talking to Pam and Bill, I should have known that I was going to be propositioned left and right at this Summit, but still hearing the offer made it real. However, truth be told, being propositioned with offers of contracts that guaranteed payment and safety as opposed to being kidnapped and forced into servitude was far preferable. I should think Edward's offer over. Really, it sounded like it could be quite promising, generous even. And I did want to get out of the States … away from Were politics and all of the machinations of the US vampires. I probably should have asked Edward what kind of fee or time commitment we were talking about for my services, or even what steps he would take to ensure my safety, but, of all the questions I could have asked, my mind went back to something Edward said, seemingly in passing.

"What do you mean what Eric did to secure my separation from vampires in the US. I mean, I know Felipe as King of Nevada and Louisiana and Freyda as Queen of Oklahoma have their agreement not to use me, but you know, I never understood how that agreement bound other monarchs in the US." It was true. I didn't know. Call me willfully ignorant, stupid even, but I was so happy to be away from vampire politics, that I just took the word of every vampire I knew that it was true. I was satisfied with their simple assurances but I never knew how that worked, or understood it. I guess I just chalked it up to some crazy vamp protocol thing. I mean, why else wouldn't another US monarch try to kidnap me (like foreign vamps had tried to do)? Pam never mentioned any such attempts, so that led me to believe that they were at least somehow obligated to follow that agreement, right.

Edward's brows pulled together and he said, "You really don't know?"

"Don't know what?"

"Why Sookie, to guarantee that no vampires in the US would try to use you, Eric had each US monarch, and those in Canada, ratify your agreement between you, Felipe, Freyda, and him."

"Ratify?" I asked, the question apparent on my face.

"They agreed to be bound by the terms and conditions of your agreement dear. To leave you alone for the rest of your life, although I don't think anyone realized exactly how long that was," he said giving me an appreciative smile.

"But why would those monarchs do that? I mean, what do they get out of the deal?"

"You really don't know, do you?" Edward let out a loud chuckle. "Eric never told you?" disbelief was thick in his voice.

"Told me what," I said tersely. I was tired of not knowing … feeling like I was out of the loop … especially when it came to my life. While I could have lived with vague assurances before, it was clear that I needed to start taking an active interest in my life and safety and I was mad that I had never made an effort to know more about the contract before.

"Why … Eric promised each of the monarchs 50 years' service when his time with Oklahoma is done."

"Wh—what?" It didn't make sense. I must have misunderstood him.

But seeing my fact, Edward's own expression softened as he told me, "My dear, Eric has bound himself … agreed to serve 50 years to each US and Canadian monarch in exchange for your freedom."

My head began to spin as I considered exactly how many more years, beyond Eric's 200 with Oklahoma, he was going to be bound by that damned agreement that Appius made for him. If I remembered correctly, a few of the less populous states had one vampire monarch to rule over them, as was the case for North and South Dakota and Utah and Wyoming, while some states, like California, had more than one monarch. So, if I recalled correctly, there were something like maybe 30 US vampire monarchs, and another 4 for Canada.

"But … that's like …" I hesitated as I tried to do the mental math.

"One thousand seven hundred and fifty years of servitude," Edward said flatly.

Hearing that number out loud was shocking and I was unable to contain my emotion. "What!" I shouted, causing some of those dancing around us to turn and stare. I couldn't believe what Edward was telling me. It just didn't make any sense. Why would Eric do that? Why would he take a 100 year commitment and turn into, not just 200 years, which was bad enough, but almost 2000 years. It was beyond reason.

"Well, to be fair, some of the monarchs who were unwilling to wait until their turn have agreed to have Eric's child, Karin, serve in his stead, so really, he personally is only committed to serving about 1200 years." Twelve hundred years. He would be about 1200 years old when he left Oklahoma. He would then spend the span of his entire existence to date bound in servitude. And what's more, Eric's agreement had bound Karin too. So, that was where she went after serving her year spent protecting me. Was Eric negotiating for my safety that entire year until he could get these agreements in place?

"But … but why?" I asked, unable to wrap my brain around Eric's foolish agreement.

"Why dear, isn't that obvious?" his asked with a twisted smile. "It's clear to me … he loves you."

"He doesn't love me," I replied immediately, automatically. Edward gave me a smirk and so I clarified. "I mean, yeah, Eric cares about me, but he's a vampire. Vampires don't love."

"Do you really believe that? Because I can't imagine any vampire committing himself to 2000 years of indentured servitude for someone – someone who is not their maker or child mind you - simply because they 'care' for someone."

I frowned, "Eric loves me?"

"Now dear, don't make me regret my offer to you. You're smarter than that aren't you," Edward said with a smile that let me know that while Eric's deal may be foolish, I was clearly the fool here. But I barely heard his retort over my own brain's turnings.

Eric loves me.

**A/N: Big shout out to tabularasa88 who does me the honor of reading my little fantasies. Good to know that I'm in good company! :) **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I read your reviews and I understand I have some unhappy readers. Specifically, folks doubt that Eric would make such a foolish agreement when he himself had nothing to gain. I just want to say that when it comes to Sookie, Eric does a lot of stupid shit all to protect her, when it would be in his best interests not to care about her or, at the very least, cut his losses and just walk away. For example, why extend a 100 year agreement to 200 just to protect Sookie? Or why marry her in the first place when he could have just given her to DeCastro after the take-over? I think it is because he loves her, he really and truly loves her. He has proven that he puts her happiness and safety above even his own wants and needs time and time again ... otherwise, why wouldn't he just have turned her? The maker-child bond is inviolate and no one could have come between them then. If he really just wanted her - and not cared about what she wanted - then that is what he would have done.**

Ch. 15

When Edward and I parted ways, my head was spinning with everything I learned. And I was completely pissed off. My first inclination was to find Eric and ask him … no demand him … to tell me what the hell he was thinking. How could he be so fucking stupid? Eric was pragmatic, a strategist, to a fault. So, what was he thinking making the bargain that he did? Did he have an out? Maybe he did, I didn't know. Eric could plan things ten steps ahead of everyone else. Otherwise, why on earth would he agree to such ridiculous terms?

He loved … loves me. Yes, I knew that now. I couldn't deny it, not anymore. And truth be told, I still loved Eric, very much. I always would. He marked me, my heart, permanently. Everyone after him, Sam included, would always be compared to Eric and really, there was no comparison. After all, if you take away the politics and the near-death experiences, being with Eric was the best and happiest time of my life. Even now, I would often fondly recall the week we spent holed up together in my home when he lost his memories to the witches' spell. A brief glimpse into what things could be like with him … without all of the vamp shit. But even when he got his memories back, we were oh so good together and I was happy, truly happy… all we needed was each other. That was until Appius blew it all to shit.

How sad is that? Here I am, almost 60 years old and the best time of my life was a very brief time, a blink of an eye really, in my 20s when I was Eric's and Eric was mine?

I needed to find him. Confront him. Slap him and hit him and punch him if necessary. I needed to knock some sense into him. He had to undo this thing he had done. He had to be free. Eric wasn't hired muscle, a kingmaker … he was a king. I scanned the ballroom, but Eric, even Freyda, was nowhere to be found. I was just getting ready to check the lobby when Sam stopped me.

"Sookie, you look beautiful," he said wistfully.

I ignored his statement and instead asked him what I really wanted to know, "Did you see Eric?" I was too busy scanning the room, looking over Sam's head for any sign of Eric, but having been with Sam for as long as I had, I could feel him tense. I could almost sense it, and knew I was getting the look … the one he always gave me when the topic turned to Eric.

"Dammit Sookie, he's no good for you! I saw you two dancing. I also saw the look Freyda was giving you too. Don't do anything stupid Sookie! Don't go looking for trouble."

My eyes shot to Sam's, "'Cause you're so much better."

Exasperated, Sam ran his hand through his mop of hair. "You know I didn't mean to hurt you. What happened with me and Mandy, it just couldn't be helped."

"Sam, I don't have time for this right now. Have you seen Eric or not?" I dismissed.

Sam pressed his lips into a thin line. He knew he had no right to tell me what to do, not anymore. Resigned, he jutted his thumb towards a side door that led out of the ballroom and said, "He went that way."

"Thanks," I said quickly, turning to go in the direction Sam had indicated when his hand grabbed my arm holding me in place.

"Sookie, I was serious about what I said. I didn't mean to hurt you, you know that right? I don't want to hurt you, never did, and I don't want vamps to hurt you either. Sookie, I care about you. Always will."

Sam had been getting on my last nerve, especially in the last few weeks, with his infidelity, the lies, the demeaning way he let me see it in his thoughts, for god sakes, even the fucking airplane seats! I couldn't stand here listening to his platitudes, his feigned concern for my well-being when I knew that the only person he had been concerned, at least within recent memory, was himself. I wrenched my arm from his hand and made to push Sam away with both hands. It all happened so quickly. But it was as if the anger and humiliation and frustration built up inside, becoming something tangible; a pressure, like a kettle ready to boil over. I could feel this pressure building, thrumming throughout my body and into my hands. Before my hands could connect with Sam's chest, and before I realized what was happening, that surge of energy emanated from within me and pushed Sam back with such force that he stumbled to the floor fifteen feet away, falling onto his back and crashing into some empty chairs. Sam and I looked at each other stunned, neither of us knowing or understanding what had just happened. The room grew eerily quiet as people in the ballroom looked on. Then Mandy came running over to Sam's side, breaking the stillness that had fallen on the room by fawning over him.

"Sam, honey are you okay?" she asked in a panic.

"Yeah… fine," Sam said never breaking our gaze. I looked around quickly and it didn't seem that anyone noticed I had telekinetically pushed Sam away, just that I had pushed him and he was now sprawled on the floor trying to compose himself from his tumble.

"Sam … I ... I'm sorry," I took a step towards him to help him to his feet, but he suddenly scooted back on all fours like a crab to keep the distance between us.

Mandy's eyes, full of fury shot to mine. "What's your problem?! Are you really so mad at Sam for leaving you that you'd hurt him. Embarrass him here? Just go away Sookie! He chose me! He doesn't need you! We don't need you!" she shot, her voice full of venom.

If people weren't looking before, Mandy's diatribe now had all eyes on us. I was just as confused by what had happened and quickly clasped my still buzzing hands together, holding them at my stomach so they could do no further damage. Sam didn't say anything, not about the fact that I never laid hands on him, not really, which was probably a good thing. Being a telepath was complicated enough, but I knew this would complicate things even further for me. A million questions ran through my mind, the foremost of which was 'Why did I just show a telekinetic ability?' I didn't know, but I knew I would need to find out … somehow.

"I'm sorry Sam," I said one last time. Sam just nodded. I wanted to run from the ballroom, run away from the prying eyes, but I would allow myself that indignity. So I walked out with my head held high amid not so hushed whispers and eyes boring into me.

The revelation of my new skill had temporarily removed all thoughts of Eric and his sacrifice from my mind. I no longer felt the compulsion to go to him and have him explain himself. In fact, once alone, I ducked into a quiet alcove off the lobby and just stared at my hands in disbelief. They no longer buzzed with energy and it made me wonder if it really happened. Did I really do that? Maybe I was just imagining it? But then, I remember Sam's face. Sam's expression said it all. He knew, and I knew. I would have to find him tomorrow before our first meetings so I could make sure he didn't tell anyone. I didn't need this getting out, especially not until I understood it, how it happened, what it meant. When I calmed down, all I could think about was going to my room so I could think and I made my way there in a frenzied haze.

When I finally got to the room, I was very dismayed to get to see the "Do Not Disturb" sign hanging on the doorknob, and the unmistakable sound of Bill enjoying "room service" coming from the thin door.

"Well, shit," I muttered. I lingered there for but a moment wringing my hands in indecision before I realized that given the sounds coming from the room, Bill may still be a while longer and I just felt like a voyeur hovering like that. So, I went to the hotel bar. After all, I could use I drink, I thought ruefully.

The hotel bar was like every hotel bar. Dark, with dark wood, low lightening, and a faint glow of light from the bar … like a lighthouse offering safe passage for ships that would otherwise crash on a rocky shore. I supposed in a way, that was true. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a bourbon, neat. I needed a stiff drink after my evening. I looked around while sending out my mind to check out my fellow bar company and I noticed a familiar vamp at the end of the bar: Isabel Beaumont from Texas.

The bartender set my drink down and my eyes met Isabel's. I lifted my glass in a distant toast and she did the same with her glass of blood as we each took a long drink. The bourbon warmed me from the inside out as it passed my lips and I could feel some of the numbness from the evening's shocks begin to pass away slowly. I wanted to play with it, my power, see if I could control it, but I wasn't stupid enough to do it in public. Maybe I could play with it in my room when Bill was dead for the day. That was, if I could find some time between Were meetings. Right now, I felt like I could only deal with one thing at a time and that was getting my brain around this new power.

Isabel got up and slowly made her way to an empty barstool next to me and, before she sat down, she asked simply, "May I?" When I noticed her alone, I suspected she might ask to join me but I had to say, of the vamps I knew, I almost liked Isabel. Sure, her boyfriend sold me out and I was almost raped and killed because of him, but still, could I hold that against her? She didn't know about his duplicity either. After all, I was the telepath brought in to find him out, the mole that he was, so really, me failing to suss him out and falling into the Fellowship of the Sun's hands was sort of my fault. No, I couldn't blame Isabella. So I nodded my acquiescence and she sat down with the skill and grace of a vampiress. I was awed and jealous.

"Sookie, I was hoping I would see you this week," Isabel began. "I owe you a very sincere thank you."

"Thank you? For what?"

"For Dallas. For exposing Hugo. If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't be here today." Isabel's face was unemotional but I could tell she was sincere. I could see it in her eyes. They never left mine, never blinked.

"I don't understand?"

"You will recall my punishment, for Hugo?" I nodded. How could I forget seeing the two of them chained in that room across from each other, naked. Knowing she wouldn't be able to feed and Hugo wouldn't be able to fuck her, for months … both being so close to what they most desired and yet out of reach.

"Well, after the FOTS attacked the house, we were saved. Luckily, being on the second floor prevented us from taking on the bulk of the explosion and gunfire. We were taken to a new house, a safe house, Stan had set up and our punishment resumed," she smiled wryly. It seemed even attempted genocide would not stay vampire justice. "Stan considered killing Hugo for that attack, seeing as how he was our mole, but decided that his original punishment was best. Stan let Hugo go after a couple of months and then released me a month later. See, he gave Hugo a head start. I knew what I had to do, so I tracked him down. However, I don't think any of us realized exactly how resourceful my Hugo was," she said wistfully. "He evaded me for three years, living on the run, looking over his shoulder, constantly in fear that I or one of my kind would find him. And I found him … eventually," she said and I could see a hint of fang peeking beneath her lip as she was remembering quite vividly the moment she found Hugo.

"What happened, after you found Hugo?" I don't know why I asked. Maybe morbid curiosity. Maybe because I wanted to know what "justice" had been meted out to him. But I found myself wanting to know all the same.

Isabel gave me a wicked grin. "I gave him what he wanted."

I looked at her, the question apparent on my face.

"I made him vampire, but not until I had twenty-five more years with him … as a human. I made sure he understood the price for betraying me and the vampires of Texas. By the time I gave him what he wanted, he no longer wanted it, to be vampire. Instead, he wished for his death," she said with a malicious fangy grin that made my stomach turn. "And, in a way, I gave it to him."

In my head I was doing the math. Hugo was in his late 40s, early 50s when I met him in Dallas. Three years of evading Isabel and then 25 years being tortured by her meant he was in his mid-to-late 70s when he was turned. I remembered then that Hugo told me he wanted to be turned so that he could be young, relatively speaking, forever. After all, most vampires were not that old in human years when they were turned, except for the Ancient Pythoness, but then, she had her gift of sight which was a value to vampires. She was revered. But for Hugo, it would not be the same. Being turned so late in life, locking Hugo forever in an old body, would have been shameful. Sure, he'd be vamp strong, but less desirable, less valuable.

"You see, that was the only thing that saved me from the coup and Stan's ultimate demise. I was still hunting Hugo down during the coup. Many vamps died then. I was lucky I wasn't there."

"Uh, you're welcome," I said awkwardly. What does one say to something like that? However, I remembered Stan and while he scared me, he never tried to hurt me, steal me, or come between me and Eric. For that, I respected him. "I am sorry about Stan. Truly. He kept his word and did right by me."

"He respected the Viking, and you. Besides, he wished to stay in your good graces should he need to call upon you again."

I nodded in agreement. That was pragmatic. How a vampire would act. And then that got me to thinking about Eric.

"Isabel, who is the current monarch in Texas?" I asked.

"I am," she said, spinning her glass between her fingers, her eyes in distant memory. "Stan was crippled after Rhodes, and Joseph Velasquez saw his opportunity to succeed to the throne so he killed him. When I came back after hunting Hugo, I ended him. Joseph was unworthy, weak, so I took control."

I suddenly had an idea. "Tell me what you know about this deal Eric has made with all of the US vampire monarchs."

**A/N: Special shout out to tabularasa88 who rocks my stories with her eagle eyes. And also, shout out to Gyllene for majorly making my wordpress site user friendly. She has majorly helped organize stories and chapters into multiple posts for ease of reading. Thanks ladies!**


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